Back to the Light
by Phoenix L
Summary: Snily!AU. Snape finds a way to redeem himself in Lily's eyes much before of her death, which deeply modifies his own fate. Lily Snape gives birth to a foretold child, meant to destroy Voldemort. Snape and Lily both die while trying to keep their son safe, and he indeed destroys Voldemort as a baby, but this is only the beginning of Sebastian Snape's story.
1. Chapter 1

"I'll ditch them! I'll ditch them, I swear, just forgive me!"

In the spur of the moment, Severus seemed to have said the right words. Lily suddenly stopped mid-way towards the Gryffindor Common Room and turned around:

"You know what? I don't believe you! You are saying whatever comes to your mind to make me forgive you. But you aren't going to stick through your words, are you?"

"I will. Of course I… I will." Severus replied, hesitating a little more. He was aware that it was an ill-thought move: there were reasons that made him associate with them in the first place, however he wasn't sure if these reasons were worth losing Lily's friendship, the only person he cherished. And the only person who used to cherish him…

She didn't fail to notice his hesitation.

"Stuttering, are we? Well, I don't believe in anything that comes out of your mouth right now."

He took a deep breath. He could walk away right there and then, and let Lily live her life without him to get in the way; she was popular and didn't need him in one bit. Severus also had to recognize that his life would be much easier if he didn't stick with what he just said.

His life would be a nightmare. Who he would have to cover his back if he didn't have Avery and Mulciber? Lily certainly wouldn't do it and of course he'd be too embarrassed to accept her help.

If he had a way… To protect himself and ditch Avery and Mulciber. But he never got his way in his entire life, why would he now…? Even his own tongue betrayed him. Maybe he was as bad Lily thought he was. He couldn't believe he called her a mudblood.

She was better off without him, and he was better off without her, even though he wouldn't be necessarily happier. Unfortunately, he had to pick between his happiness and his own life. Potter's gang already tried to kill him once, what would stop them from trying it again…? And what would stop Avery and Mulciber from doing so as revenge?

They might as well could; there were disappearances and Voldemort gained power and followers through the Wizardry World. If Avery and Mulciber decided to get rid of him, they could and wouldn't even go to Azkaban.

Due to Severus' lack of response, Lily turned on her heels again and walked away.

His whole torax and stomach ached, the physical dull pain from losing his only true friend and from knowing it was his entire fault.

He dragged himself back to the Slytherin Common Room, ignoring the dirty looks and the mocking he received as students walked by. Potter would regret the day he decided to be born, Severus would make sure Potter got what he deserved, as well as his whole gang.

A deep-seated anger stirred in Severus' insides. At least they, too, were easy targets for Voldemort.

"Did you go to wash your boxers, Severus?" Avery asked out loud when Severus walked inside of the common room. A lot of people were there, probably waiting to see what he'd do when he arrived.

"I will when you brush your teeth." Severus snapped and stormed off to his dorm. If they were to pick each other apart, at least he could point out Avery's awful breath.

Alas, Avery and Mulciber followed him there.

"Hey, I'm sure Avery didn't mean to offend you or anything." said Mulciber. "We are actually proud of you for finally getting rid of that filthy mudblood and putting her into her place."

Kinder words could not have been said, Severus thought, albeit ironically. That was the thing with most Slytherins, though: make yourself useful and you found yourself loyal friends until you are not worthy of friendship anymore. Severus was incredibly useful: the only one of them who had extensive knowledge of Dark Arts. He probably had more knowledge about that particular subject than the DADA teacher.

And so he had two loyal friends, unless he decided to switch sides.

Unfortunately, he knew that by sticking with Avery and Mulciber, he was indeed picking sides. Voldemort didn't give a shit about what you did and didn't do during Hogwarts: as long as you are useful, he'll make sure you feel welcomed. Dumbledore wasn't like that, however. Rumor has it he had a secret organization to fight against Voldemort, made by people of his trust.

How could he ever trust Severus?

Avery shrugged.

"No one is laughing at you, here." He said. "Everyone thinks that Potter and his gang should get expelled for this kind of thing. Dumbledore is definitely getting senile if he doesn't expel them this time."

"I hope he does." Severus replied.

"I can talk to my family and see if they can do something about it." said Mulciber. "Lucius will certainly help you out if he hears of this."

Severus, however, knew better than accept this kind of help. They would want something in return for it, sooner or later, and he wasn't sure if he could afford to return the favor.

"No." he said. "Tell Lucius if you like, but I don't want him meddling with this situation. We all know Dumbledore isn't going to expel them. I don't care. He won't be able to lick their asses forever, will he?"

"Voldemort is going to make sure he won't." said Avery.

A few days passed and it was time to return to his house, which was unbearable enough with Lily and it would be even worse without her around. His father was a drunk and both his mother and his father became too depressed to care about him at all.

However, his fate took an interesting turn.

He was supposed to get a train home on his own – a ride with the Evans wasn't a possibility – but Lucius Malfoy waited for him, and opened his arms in a great gesture.

"Severus. How nice is it to see you after so long." he said.

Severus, with the corner of his eye, saw Lily scowling at him while she walked out of the train. Well, he made his choice and there was no turning back now.

"My thoughts exactly." he replied in a more discrete tone of voice.

"Unfortunately, I'm not able to say I bring good news for you." Lucius continued as he patted Severus' back and spun around to get out of the platform. "Your father, not surprisingly, fell fatally ill in the last month. He arrived at the hospital too late for the _muggles _to save him, of course, and your mother has been taken away to an inpatient asylum. She isn't going to last too long, as well."

Lucius almost spat out the word muggles, looking around to the people at the King Cross Station with extreme contempt.

"So what's going to happen to me?" asked Severus.

"Well, nothing at all. I've dealt with the problem. Technically the muggle Children Services or whatever it's called needed to take you to an orphanage." Lucius explained as they got out of the station and walked towards a safe place to apparite. "The Dark Lord took pity of your situation and I was assigned with dealing with it. I've modified the records in such way you are now 18 years old and the Dark Lord will support you until further notice."

He took his wand out of the cane he had with him and made Severus' trunk small enough to be put in a pocket.

"You'll receive a salary coming from a store as if though you held a job there." he went on. "You are free to use magic as you see fit: you are all set until your graduation."

"And what do I have to do in return?" Severus said.

He couldn't refuse the help. He knew he couldn't. Going to an orphanage was out of question because of his status as a wizard and he couldn't live on his own, as well. Where would he find the money to support himself? Maybe a summer job, but what about the months where he couldn't work?

Would someone even hire him?

"Nothing. Just make sure you keep your head in the right place." replied Lucius and he took a bag of coins out of his pocket. "I'm afraid this is where I leave you. Though don't hesitate to send me a letter if you need any help. And here's your first month's… Salary."

The bag was heavier than what it seemed. Severus put both the bag and his trunk in the pocket.

"Enjoy." Lucius said with a smirk before disappearing.

Severus didn't feel like enjoying himself, however. He didn't even check how much money was inside of the bag. What just happened is that he sold himself to Voldemort, for very cheap.

By "keep your head in the right place" Lucius meant "be loyal to Voldemort".

What else was he supposed to do?

A.N.: I swear this is a Snily, you guys! I'm just trying to keep it true to Snape's (somewhat lack of) character so… But he's going to change and very very soon :)


	2. Chapter 2

Home sweet home, Lily thought as she sat by the dinner table. Hogwarts' dinner was very good indeed, but it would never compare to her mother's cooking. Peas, mashed potatoes and a big roasted chicken.

"So have you heard any news about Severus?" asked her mother Rose.

Petunia grimaced and Lily had to fight the urge not to do it, as well. In fact, he promised he would ditch Avery and Mulciber and didn't do it at all. She didn't want to hear any news about him, but didn't want to tell _the_ news to her family either. Not yet. It was too much of a sore spot to leave it in the open…

"No, not at all." She replied, keeping her tone casual and forcibly light.

"Well, we are quite worried about him." Said her father. "Tobias passed away last month and Eileen had to be taken away to an asylum. We went to the child services to see what we needed to do to take him in with us and in his records, it said he was already over 18."

"That was after a man told us that he took care of everything." Rose went on. "He has long blonde hair and a cane. Any chance you know who this friend of Severus is?"

It had to be Lucius Malfoy. She saw him and Severus talking at the platform, and they left together.

"He was a monitor when we were in our first year." Lily replied, playing with her own food. "He's… Trustworthy. Severus will be alright."

"Well, I'm relieved to hear that. I was worried because it didn't seem the right way to deal with it… Whoever he is, probably modified Severus' birth date in his documents and I don't think this is how these situations are supposed to be handled. He's too young to live on his own."

And too disgusting to share a household with them, she thought. Lily didn't feel like telling her parents anything about what happened to Severus, but seeing as they were indeed worried with the slimy git, she had to open their eyes...

"Don't worry about him." She said. "You wouldn't want to take him in anyway. You know there is a crazy maniac who wants to get rid of muggleborns and muggles, right?"

Her father furrowed his brows.

"Yes, we know. What about him?"

"The man who took care of everything is Lucius Malfoy, a supporter of that crazy lunatic. Severus went down the wrong path this year. He supports Voldemort and called me mudblood. I don't want to hear about him at all, ever again."

"I knew it! I told you he wasn't someone you'd want to be friends with!" Petunia said with triumph.

"Petunia, this is _not _the time." Rose hissed.

"No, she's right, mom. Severus is not a good person. This is why he has rich friends to look out for him, and he wouldn't want to move in with us anyway. Let's forget about him and drop the subject now, alright?"

LsLsLs

He walked inside of his own house and saw dust covering everything. It was night time and particles of dust danced on the moonlight. Everything was dead silent. Severus never actually wanted for his parents to vanish this way. Maybe if his father didn't drink too much and could hold a job… Maybe if he stopped blaming Eileen for all of their problems. Maybe if Eileen stood her ground.

Though apparently they lived their last moments in extreme misery. The fridge only had a bottle of expired milk and moldy pickles. Whatever happened to them, happened some time ago.

Severus just stared at the empty fridge, trying to process everything and decide what to do. His practical side spoke louder and he decided to clean the house first; it was possible to complete this task in a hearbeat, as long as he could use magic.

He probably still couldn't but Voldemort decided to cover his tracks in the Ministry. Changing the records so Snape could be legally 18 years old was nothing compared to allowing him to break a fundamental law of the Wizardry World. It meant Voldemort was much more ahead of the game than what everyone else expected.

There was no use thinking about that. Severus didn't particularly like the way things turned out for him, but it was that or going to an orphanage.

Within half an hour, everything was shiny and brand new. Only then he sat by the kitchen, with his stomach growling. He'd have to buy his own food, it seemed, as well as pay his bills. Even though he hated the thought, he needed to know for exactly how much he sold himself for.

He took his trunk and the bag of coins out of his pocket and spilled the galleons at the table top.

Five hundred galleons.

Severus knew that he needed to manage that money well. At least a hundred of those galleons he needed to save for his materials and maybe a new uniform for Hogwarts' next term and the rest he would convert in muggle money to pay for his bills, food and etcetera. Probably he could save the energy bill by using magical lights instead of the electric ones.

Even then, he underestimated how much money he was given. If he saved a hundred every month, he still had the equivalent of two thousand pounds to get by. And two thousand pounds was more than enough to get by, at least for him. It was much more than he ever had to make it through.

The summer went by and Severus barely left: he only did so to pay his bills, buy food and go to Diagon Alley. The rest of the time he spent locked up inside, testing out new ways of brewing his next term's potions, as he had money to buy ingredients and Lucius insisted to buy him very rare and expensive ingredients, as well as lend him equally rare Dark Arts books.

Severus was aware nothing of this came out of kindness. All he and Voldemort wanted was to have a powerful Dark Wizard by their side: apparently the Dark Lord's forces lacked competent Death Eaters. Even so, he had no choice but to accept their command, otherwise he'd be on the streets, in a much worse situation.

He was also painfully aware that by accepting Voldemort's bribes, he threw out of the window any chance of becoming friends with Lily again, and he dreaded the day of his return to Hogwarts, for his sixth year.

The time passed anyway, indifferent to Severus' pleas, and he found himself back at the Platform where the Hogwarts Express released smoke.

The entire summer had passed but it barely felt like a heartbeat. Especially when he saw Lily at the distance, talking to her friends. She was perhaps a little taller and had a nice tan, but other than that, her eyes were the same, her smile was the same.

Severus went inside of the train.

And, unfortunately, an entourage awaited for him.

"Hey, Snivellus! Had a nice summer?" said Potter, in a fake polite tone. "I was hoping you'd enjoy the free time and wash your hair but apparently I was wrong."

Severus never felt more disdain in his entire life. Potter was no more than a cockroach which needed to be smashed by a shoe; he and his friends. Pettigrew nearly pissed in his pants, laughing at the so called joke.

"I see you misused your time and didn't grow up, either." Severus replied, looking down at Potter. "That's too bad. I can wash my hair anytime. I can't say the same of growing up a few inches."

He forced his way through the group, knowing that he had just tickled a sleeping dragon. They would try to make him pay for the joke, sooner or later. Alas, they wouldn't be able to, not as long as Severus had company. Cowards, all of them…

Severus didn't even need Avery and Mulciber's protection anymore, because he also had the summer to improve his self-defense techniques, though he didn't think it was particularly safe to use them on students.

He used to think once he graduated, he would be safe and sound, away from Avery, Mulciber, Potter and his gang. But as it looked like, his ride on the Despair Express wouldn't be over after Hogwarts. Especially _not_ after Hogwarts, he reminded himself as he walked inside of the cabin occupied by Avery and Mulciber.

"So I heard good news about you." said Mulciber. "The Dark Lord's protégée… Not bad, my friend, not bad."

"I'd appreciate if you didn't say it out loud. The last thing I want is people finding out about it. _He_ wouldn't want us to be bragging about his plans here." replied Severus.

It was rather true, but also he had no idea what would happen to him if other students found out about it. All in all, he just wanted some peace of mind and he wouldn't have it if someone else discovered his secret.

A.N.: Oops, looks like Lucius Malfoy slipped a little when he forgot to obliviate a couple of muggles u-u


	3. Chapter 3

Lily didn't think much about Severus during the summer, but now that they were back at Hogwarts, she started to realize the possible consequences of him accepting Lucius Malfoy's help. And his help certainly didn't extent to just altering Severus' records.

She only saw him from afar, when he walked on the train corridor in front of her cabin, or when the students when towards the castle when the carriages dropped them off. He had new robes, and had an old but well cared for book under his arm. It was probably Dark Arts related and for sure had to be expensive. He was getting money – a generous quantity of it – from somewhere. Or someone was giving it to him.

Lucius Malfoy was not a particularly kind man… He wouldn't waste his money like that unless he wanted something in return.

And there were two things Severus could do: he could develop new spells or brew new potions _or_ he could spy at the Hogwarts' students and staff, all that for Malfoy and consequently Voldemort.

The fest was very good yet Lily didn't feel like eating. She had to do something about it, and fast. What could she do, though? Tell Dumbledore and have Severus expelled? Gather more evidence and keep an eye on him? She much preferred the latter option because Dumbledore surely would ask for some solid evidences.

Malfoy did help Severus out, and so what? What if they were just good friends? Lily's parents would have adopted Severus without a second thought and yet they wouldn't ask anything of him.

But she knew very well Severus was too smart for someone to just spy on him and go unnoticed; especially Lily who didn't have a record of knowing how to cause trouble.

"You don't have to pretend to hate James anymore, you know?" murmured Mary McDonald.

"What?!"

Lily snapped out of her introspections and looked around trying to understand where Mary's observation came from. James was waving at her, from across the table and a few seats further. She smirked slightly. He was a jerk but in the end had a good heart – he even saved Severus one time – and probably had more skills at spying than her.

She waved back and watched his face glow radiant.

Yeah.

James would accept this task in a heartbeat.

After the fest was done, and the Gryffindor students were slowly going to the common room after the first years were gone, she stayed behind so James and his friends could approach her.

When Mary and Liza went away, James slipped to sit on her side as the Great Hall emptied.

"My beautiful Lily flower." He said. "Grew a little kinder to me this summer?"

"You could say so." Lily replied, trying not to blush at the compliment. Sirius, Remus and Peter were not so discretely watching and she waved at them too. "You too, come here. I have a favor to ask."

They almost materialized at her side, as well.

"Well, I can't talk about it here but I do have a favor to ask all of you." she muttered. "When can we meet… In secret?"

Sirius frowned, although he looked excited.

"What could possibly be so secret?" asked Remus.

"Trust me. I don't want everyone to know what I know. Just you boys."

"Well, in this case we can meet at the common room at one a.m and we could… Take a walk around. Usually the teachers are sleeping so no one will bother us."

"We have a deal." said Lily.

She stood up and left. They would accept her request, no doubts about it.

Three hours later, she and the dynamic four met at the empty common room. The four friends were sitting in front of the fireplace, and she sat at an armchair.

"I think we can talk here. Everyone's sleeping, anyway." She sighed. "Well, to put it simply, I need you to spy on Severus for me."

"Why? What did he do? What are we looking for ?" asked Peter.

"His father died and his mother had to go to an asylum several months ago and technically, he was supposed to go to an orphanage. My parents went to the Child Services to adopt him but they got there too late. Lucius Malfoy already solved the problem and modified his birth date so he could be 18 according to his records and live on his own. Not only that: someone has been supporting him. He got new clothes, expensive books. Where did this money come from? I suppose you can already tell."

"So basically, you are telling us to spy on him to see if he has anything to do with Voldemort." said James. "_I_ thought it was obvious after what he did. I knew I didn't like him for a reason, that slimy little git."

It felt somewhat unreal, the way the tables turned around.

"Yes, but Lily's right." Remus said. "We need evidence. This is a serious accusation."

"We get the proof we need and got him expelled. Simple." Sirius replied.

Lily bit her lower lip. Was she really going to do that? Severus had been her best friend for years.

"I'm not sure if I want him expelled, but-"

"He has to be expelled. It's a matter of safety. If things are the way you said they are, then we definitely need to do something! He's a threat." said James. "Why do you still have any mercy left for him?"

Why do I, Lily asked herself.

Severus broke many promises and did despicable things. He liked Dark Arts.

Lily should have seen it coming.

LsLsL

"Oh ho ho." laughed Moaning Myrtle, jumping out of a toilet. "It has been a while since I had visitors. Aren't you in the wrong bathroom?"

"Shut up." Severus said and put down his cauldron. It was ten times heavier, with a book, ingredients and several tools he would need inside of it.

She laughed more and floated closer to him so she could spy what he brought: "Is it dangerous?"

"It's school work."

He didn't want anyone alive to bother him, so he decided to go to the Myrtle's bathroom to see if it would be more peaceful to be there. Of course Potter had the strange talent of pop up everywhere Severus went but he doubted someone else would show up there.

In any case, he had his wand with him and decided to cast a ward around his vicinity. If someone stepped on it, Severus alone would hear a ringing noise: he took a while to adapt from the original spell, in which the noise was for all to hear, but the final result paid off.

Half an hour later, everything was set and he worked quietly and efficiently. Myrtle lost interest and decided to moan by a window though Severus was too focused to listen to her at all.

He did hear, however, when the spell went off. No one was there, though. No one _seemed _to be there: invisibility spells were rare but not impossible. So he kept working as if he heard nothing, but he started to pay attention to his surroundings. Someone was there, watching him.

Why?

Why be invisible and most important, how?

Severus leaned over the steaming cauldron to see if everything worked just fine and felt a light breath on his shoulder. With a swift and sudden movement, he turned around and tried to aim his wand to the seemingly empty space behind though he hit something solid and with the texture of fabric.

An invisibility cloak.

He grabbed it before whoever watched him ran away and not to his surprise, under the cloak he held were Potter and Black.

"Give me the cloak." ordered Potter.

"Not a chance." Severus snapped, holding on to it really tight and aiming his wand to the intruders. "Why were you watching me?"

"Give us the cloak or we will have no choice but to hurt you." Black insisted. "And you know we can."

No, they couldn't. Not anymore. Severus was trapped in the very rock bottom of his life. Where else could he go, and how could someone hurt him when he already lost everything?

"What are you going to do? Set Lupin onto me _again_? Show off my boxers for everyone to see? They won't be impressed after seeing the same show twice, you know? I'll just destroy this cloak and see what you two are going to do without it." he replied with disdain. In fact, the cloak explained a lot about the feats they were able to pull off without being caught.

"Oh, I didn't see them." Myrtle said with a giggle. "I just heard the rumors."

"Shut up Myrtle!" Black replied. "Give us the cloak."

"Why were you spying on me?"

"We are not going to tell you, it's none of your business." Potter said.

"Oh, I disagree."

They were not going to tell him anything, of course, but he was insisting, gaining time, to think about what he could do to force them to spill the beans.

"Unless you are able to read minds, you'll never know. We won't tell you. Return the cloak and I promise we won't hurt you a lot."

Able to read minds, uh? Severus didn't know if he could, though he definitely read about it… He could use the spell Legilimens and he'd be able to see everything going in their heads if he was skilled enough to make them think about what drove them to spy on him.

They were already thinking about it, for sure. Severus aimed his wand at James.

"Well, this leaves me no option but… Legilimens!"

He felt like he was sucked upwards and then he landed on the Gryffindor common room. Or so he thought, giving the colors around. Potter and his gang were sitting in a couch in front of a fireplace and Lily sat at an armchair.

"I think we can talk here. Everyone's sleeping, anyway." She sighed. "Well, to put it simply, I need you to spy on Severus for me."

"Why? What did he do? What are we looking for ?" asked Pettigrew.

"His father died and his mother had to go to an asylum several months ago and technically, he was supposed to go to an orphanage. My parents went to the Child Services to adopt him but they got there too late. Lucius Malfoy already solved the problem and modified his birth date so he could be 18 according to his records and live on his own. Not only that: someone has been supporting him. He got new clothes, expensive books. Where did this money come from? I suppose you can already tell."

The scene melted and Severus was back at girls' bathroom, dumbstruck.

Lily knew it and told Potter.

"What did you do?" Black yelled as Potter fell on the floor, breaking cold sweat. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM? EXPELLIARMUS!"

Severus couldn't react to it. His wand flew away and Black forgot about his own, jumping on Severus' neck and bringing him down to the floor to punch his face multiple times.

Severus could hear the sound of the bones of his face breaking, and the blood oozing out of his mouth and nose but couldn't do anything. Dying right there was an option. Potter wouldn't stop Black this time.

"WHAT… DID YOU DO… TO HIM!"

"Merlin, what are you _doing_?!" exclaimed a woman.

The fallen boy was in too much pain to see the woman who just arrived: all he knew is that her presence was enough for Black to stop punching. He slipped into unconsciousness knowing that his death had been postponed for one more day.

A.N.: So… Yeah. Pretty intense chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

"Miss Evans?"

Lily raised her eyes from her book and saw McGonagall standing in front of her, pale as a ghost and with her lower lip quivering ever so slightly. She never saw her teacher that shaken.

All of her friends were surprised as well.

"Yes, Professor?"

"You will have to come with me."

"Please get my stuff back to our dorm." Lily muttered to Mary and stood up to follow McGonagall, away from the library and towards Dumbledore's office. After a few moments of dead silence, Lily cleaned her throat: "What happened?"

"Something serious. And I'm afraid, my dear, that you are in trouble." said McGonagall. "I expected better of you."

Even though she kept walking, it felt like her ground just disappeared. Serious trouble…? It could only mean James and his friends did something stupid while spying on Severus. She bit the inside of her cheek, to calm down.

Serious trouble, indeed. James and Sirius were already there, at Dumbledore's office, and Sirius had blood on his hands and on his pants. Not just a little bit of blood. Tons of it. But he and James just sat there as if nothing had happened.

However, Dumbledore…

Dumbledore looked pissed off.

"Y-you called me, sir?" asked Lily in a whisper, while slipping onto a free chair.

"Yes. Care to explain what happened, James?"

"We were spying on Sniv… Snape and he discovered us somehow. He had our cloak and he wanted to know why we were spying on them so he read my mind and Sirius attacked him. Our _precious_ Snape is now at the Hospital Wing trying to get his majestic nose fixed."

"He was nearly fatally wounded." Dumbledore observed.

"He read your mind? How do you mean he read your mind, James?" asked Lily.

"The great and ancient art of Legilimency." Dumbledore said. "Apparently Severus had a basic knowledge of how it worked and got straight from the font who asked James and Sirius to spy on him. Which is why you are here, Lily. I cannot stress enough how your conduct was deeply incorrect, and I see now that mine was too."

Lily looked down at her own lap, feeling the tears pooling on her eyes.

"Severus is not, and has never been, a criminal. He never caused us trouble." The headmaster went on. "If you suspected he was getting himself involved with Lucius Malfoy and Voldemort, you should have contacted me or a teacher, first. I'm afraid I'll have to spill some beans to explain you the whole situation. You, Lily, knows partially about a great danger Severus suffered. You heard this story from James and Sirius. It was far from the truth even though there are some elements of it. The danger Severus faced was a fully transformed werewolf, Remus Lupin: during full moon, he hides inside of the Shrieking Shack, and the access is an underground tunnel. Sirius set up a plan in such way Severus would be in that tunnel by a full moon night. This was, put simply, attempted murder. James indeed saved Severus that night and I decided to give James the benefit of the doubt - to believe that he didn't save Severus for his own benefit - and forgive them. I also asked all the involved to keep the story secret. Some of them didn't."

Dumbledore took a deep breath.

"Severus maintained his word and didn't tell a soul, though he would greatly benefit from telling the truth and even if keeping the whole event a secret meant that his possible murderer, Sirius, went unpunished."

Lily turned her head to James and Sirius.

"_What?" _

She was ashamed. Profoundly ashamed. She discussed the issue with Severus, one day, and he let her think James saved him from "whatever was down there" when exposing the truth to her would mend their falling apart friendship.

"There's more to it." Dumbledore said. "I have been lenient with James and Sirius to Severus' disadvantage. Too much. The result is that Severus distrusts me and fears for his life even inside of the castle. This is why he turned to Voldemort and to his friends Avery and Mulciber. Because I failed as a Headmaster. I see now that James did save Severus to his own benefit and I'm afraid they will have to be severely punished."

"So you are telling us that you going to protect the wannabe Death Eater?" Sirius snapped. "We pulled some pranks on him, so what? It doesn't justify what he did and accepting Malfoy's bribes."

"They were more than pranks, are you stupid?" Lily lashed out. "You tried to KILL him, for Merlin's sake! Wake the bloody hell up! You two lied to me! I…" Tears rolled down her cheeks. "Isn't there anything we can do to save Severus?"

"I am not sure. Sirius is somewhat right. If your guesses are true, and I'm afraid they are, then Severus chose this path for himself. I cannot deny there was more to it than him wanting all muggleborns dead but ultimately it's his choice to choose the right path." Dumbledore said.

Lily dug her face of her palms, sobbing uncontrollably. She had been an awful friend, even if Severus was less than morally righteous.

"Do you think you can help him?" Dumbledore asked.

"H-how?"

"Help him find the right way."

LsLsL

Severus felt like he had been unconscious for ages and he couldn't feel his limbs. Or his entire face, for that matter. Before opening his eyes, he tried to touch his own nose and move his jaw to see if Madam Pomfrey fixed everything. As far as he could tell, she did, so he slowly sat up and opened his eyes.

It was night time, and the only source of light was the moonlight coming from the windows. It was almost full.

Severus felt a little drowsy, probably effect of the potions Pomfrey gave him so he could feel no pain. He took a while to realize someone had been sitting by his bed side the whole time.

Her nose was runny, her eyes were red and a single tear rolled down her face.

"L-lily? Why are you crying?"

She licked her lips and took a deep breath.

"I'm crying because I've been acting like a dumb stupid… Bad friend. I was angry that you called me a mudblood but… You apologized, right? I just couldn't understand why you wouldn't ditch Avery and Mulciber even if they were evil gits. Now I do. Dumbledore told me everything. About Sirius. About Remus."

Severus couldn't believe the whole situation was real, but on the other hand... He did become everything Lily hated, even if not willingly.

"You did well when you ditched me. I have been accepting help from Malfoy and Voldemort and… There is no excuse for what I've done. I'm not a victim. I should've said no and should've gone to an orphanage."

"But you can undo this. If you want to. Dumbledore realized that he did you wrong. Many times. He'll forgive you and I will too if you… Choose the right path."

"How? How can I do that without turning into a target? Voldemort will be possessed and furious. He'll kill me. I can't go back now."

Severus looked away.

"I'll tell you what Dumbledore wants me to do. He wants me to spy on Voldemort, somehow. He knows very well I don't have a way out. That's why he's suddenly being nice to me. What use Potter and his gang have? They might know a few pranks, but you can't win a war with pranks!"

"So you won't help Dumbledore?" asked Lily. "I'll understand if you don't, it's not the only way to… You know. We'll figure out. Just tell me you don't want to support Voldemort, please. I feel sorry for you but my decision of not being friends with you anymore will stand if you don't take this chance."

"I know, I know… I'm just not… Happy with it. Voldemort is a legilimens. He's hard to fool. I'll die soon enough one way or another, so I might as well die with some dignity left. At least I can do something useful with my life."

Lily took his hand.

"Don't say that. You are not going to die."

"Please." Severus replied, barely being able to feel her smooth skin against his. "Voldemort already exposed himself to me. Now I know he's inside of the Ministry. He's not _forgiving_ like Dumbledore is. He won't let me get out alive; not unless I take the Dark Mark."

"We'll figure it out, Sev."

Sev. It sounded like music to his ears. Sev. Sev.

"What time is ist anyway?" he asked, trying to change the subject but not wanting to end the conversation.

"Eleven."

"Shouldn't you be at your dorm?"

"No. I'm in for night, too. I had a complete meltdown and Pomfrey thought it was better to keep me under watch. I wouldn't go there anyway. Sirius and James were not expelled but… Next time they try something funny, they'll be out. Thing is no one can know about what happened this afternoon, so they have to stay. Then again, Dumbledore doesn't want them to hurt you or anybody again. It has become clear what they are truly are."

"I honestly don't care about them. I don't want them bugging me any longer."

"They won't. They are not crazy to try. Plus the cloak was confiscated. It seemed that they had some sort of map in which they could see where everyone was at all times and it's confiscated too. Forever."

"_Great_."

"But let's not talk about them. Are you hungry? Do you need anything? More pillows?"

The effect of the potions started to wear off and his face and jaw hurt a little bit, but nothing major. He was fine, though he did not feel sleepy at all.

"Do you mind staying with me?"

"I'm not going anywhere." Lily said, with a smile. Her chair looked uncomfortable, however.

Severus moved a bit to the side, a mute invitation for her to sit there with him. She took the invitation and once she was well settled, she sighed heavily.

"Your face is purple and black all over, Sev. Doesn't that hurt?"

A few punches hurt way less than losing her.

"It doesn't. Not at all."

She leaned her head against his shoulder, still tearing up a little.

"The worst of everything is that my parents would have adopted you. Malfoy just happened to get to the Child Services first. I hate this."

"It doesn't matter." replied Severus with the tiniest hint of a smirk on his lips.

Nothing mattered when he had Lily by his side.

A.N.: Awwwww.


	5. Chapter 5

Severus woke up slowly, and then all at once, when he felt a body leaning against his own. He and Lily fell asleep, it seemed, and she had her head rested on his shoulder. The sunlight was barely there, and the sky was light purple and yellow.

"Lily?" he muttered. "Lily?"

She stirred slightly and opened one eye. And opened the other one while she sat up. Her hair looked almost like a bird nest, all knotted and messy.

"That was one good night of sleep." she said, yawning. "But thank Merlin you woke me up before Pomfrey arrived. I said I'd look out for you tonight in case you needed anything and she'd kill me if she found out I slept on duty."

"I slept the whole night too so…"

"Your face looks a little better if you want my unprofessional opinion. But it's still… Pretty black all over."

"What happened, exactly?"

"Broken bones. And you traumatized your cranium a little bit but Pomfrey already took care of that and got rid of the swelling. You are just pretty bruised. Doesn't it hurt?"

"Not enough to bother me."

"Good. She'll be here soon, I think, to give you some potions, and they'll probably help you with the pain… And listen, I have to go. Classes and all that. As far as everyone knows, I had stomach flu and you have a heavy case of dragon pox." She slipped to floor and smiled. "I'll drop by later, alright?"

"Hm-hm. Sure."

She left and Severus ran his hand over the empty place by his side, to feel the warmth she left on the sheets.

Somebody else dropped by a few minutes later, however.

"I hope you are feeling well." said Dumbledore as he conjured a chair for himself and sat down.

"What do you want?" Severus asked.

Dumbledore probably wanted to talk to him about choosing the right path or whatever. But the boy knew all he wished was a potential spy. Someone deep enough in the shit and desperate enough to help Dumbledore anyway. That person happened to be Severus. He wasn't a Death Eater just yet, however soon enough would come the day when he would be forced to take the Dark Mark.

Severus had no problems with cooperating for Lily's sake, though he couldn't stand Dumbledore's caring façade. He never cared and the fact he was willing to let Severus be a double agent in a close future – or perhaps even now – showed just how much he didn't give a damn about Severus' life.

The good news was Severus didn't care a whole lot either, or else he wouldn't accepted the chance he was given.

"I understand that you are wary of me." The headmaster replied. "And I won't try to change your mind. I came to talk about more practical matters. I suppose Lily already told everything you wanted to know, and now I'm here to tell you what you _need_ to know."

"Go on. What do I need to know?"

"I didn't alter James and Sirius' memories." Dumbledore said. "Remus and Peter are unsuspecting of the recent events. I'm not sure exactly how much I should let them know. Right now, it is not a problem for them to know but I'm thinking about the future."

Severus snorted.

How much did Dumbledore care about anyone, anyway? There he was, discussing obliviating his pupils for the sake of keeping a secret. Severus knew it wasn't a smart decision to let Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew know about what happened, on the other hand, altering their memories was wrong and illegal.

Plus they might also forget to stop stalking and bullying him as well.

"I don't care if Potter, Black or maybe even Lupin know about it. Better yet, I _want_ them to know. Pettigrew is a disgusting little rat and I want nothing to do with him, though. He's the most coward of them all." said Severus.

There was something about Pettigrew that pushed Severus over the edge. He wasn't sure if it was the blind adoration, or the way Pettigrew always laughed and watched but never took part, afraid of getting caught.

He wasn't the kind of person to get in trouble because of his friends. Potter and Black were always taking the fault for everything: Lupin at least recognized his guilt and refused to clean his hands, but Pettigrew… He had little to no backbone.

"Who else knows?" asked the boy, upon further introspection.

"McGonagall and I."

"I don't want Pettigrew to know, that's all I ask. What else?"

"I'm afraid the situation is only going to get worse for you, from now on." Dumbledore said. "But for now, it's enough that you prepare yourself to face Voldemort and keep whatever you don't want him to know out of sight. You used Legilimency on James to know why he was spying on you. Voldemort can do it, too, except he doesn't need a wand. He is so much better at this intricate art that he can tell if a person is lying or not if the person in question is in the room. So I need you to be ready to face that, if the time comes. You need to master Occlumency."

Severus was unimpressed with the speech.

"Sure. I'll do it."

"This is a ver-"

"I don't care. And I know what Voldemort is capable of. I'll do what I have to do. Do you doubt that? I honestly hope you don't."

Severus wasn't particularly handsome, or rich, or fit or anything good really but he knew he was smart and resourceful. He didn't need Dumbledore talking down on him.

Dumbledore smirked.

"I see you are as sharp as ever, Severus."

"Always have been. Probably always will." The boy replied, unmoved by the flattery.

He knew very well he would have to give his life for the cause and cooperate with Dumbledore, but it didn't make the headmaster any less disgusting.

"Just one more thing. You know you won't be able to keep your friendship with Lily on the public eye. The students and the staff must believe you two truly parted your ways, however… I have two gifts for you, and they might be able to help you with that."

Dumbledore rested a parcel on Severus' lap.

"Do give them a try, even if you are not particularly keen of using them. You will need if you want to see your friend without getting caught by anyone."

He stood up, vanished the chair and left.

Severus opened the parcel without much care, although when he felt the softness of what was inside of it, he already knew: Dumbledore gave him the cloak. And possibly the map Lily mentioned.

They were useful tools but to think they were used to mischief and to hurt others made Severus nauseous. But he needed them, if he wanted to see Lily.

On top of the carefully folded cloak, there was an old, blank parchment and a note.

_Tap it and say Apparecium. _

He grabbed his wand, resting on top of the bedside table and did as note told him to. The parchment started to gain life and the ink formed a map of the castle: small dots with names under them were there; most of them were static as many people were still asleep. Dumbledore's dot moved away from the Hospital wing; Lily's dot was inside of the Gryffindor feminine dorms.

It seemed to work just fine and this made Severus' blood boil: this is how he was tortured and persecuted, nearly every single day for five years.

LsLsL

Lily got herself ready for the day, knowing that she wouldn't be able to focus at all. It was too much information to process and she had to keep up with a decent quantity of lies. To Mary and Liza, McGonagall went to pick her up at the library to talk about an assignment and she was ill and Lily ended up ill as well.

To everyone else, she was still not talking to Severus. And worst of all, she had to pretend Sirius _didn't_ try to kill him twice, she had to pretend James wasn't a despicable liar and that Remus wasn't a coward for not standing up against them.

And she had to pretend for herself that she hadn't been a fool when she stopped trusting Severus and began to trust on James and the lies he told her.

Back then, it made all the sense, but now… James tried to make Severus look bad in any way possible so he could date Lily. He showed himself capable of lying. Why did she trust him at all, before?

Even if Severus was going down the wrong path, it didn't make James anymore trustworthy, plus Lily ought to have tried harder to help her friend. Her best friend.

She went down to the common room all alone: she was too immersed in her own thoughts to talk to anyone. The only persons she could about the recent events were James and Sirius, and they were supposed to be expelled.

In fact, James waited for her in the common room.

"Lily!" he said, standing up from his spot.

"I don't want to talk you ever again." Lily replied and walked straight to the door, but he held her arm. "Let go. Let go or I swear to Merlin that I'll-"

"Just hear me out for a couple of seconds."

Lily sighed.

"Go ahead. Say whatever you feel the need to say so I can ignore your existence for the eternity."

"I did all this because I love you. I love you and I can't stand the fact that you'll ignore me forever. Please, give me a chance, I promise I'll change. I'll do whatever you want."

The situation was a slight deja-vu. She heard almost the same words from Severus.

"No. I won't give you a chance. You are disgusting. Severus is my best friend and if you touch him, hurt him or make him seem guilty of things he's not, run away if you like your balls between your legs." Lily whispered.

"Oh, I see. You are in love with him, aren't you?" James accused. "Why? He has greasy hair, a gigantic nose and you probably won't be able to kiss him because of it! He doesn't even own clean underpants! Why not me?"

"James, you know what? Go fuck yourself. Why not you, you ask? Because you are disgusting, a liar and you just persecute him this much because he's my friend. Let me tell you something about picking up girls: you don't bully their best friends. They probably won't like it. And so what if Severus' hair drips oil everywhere and his nose is so big he can't turn around on a hallway? So what? He's a good person and a good friend and you'll never be half as good as he is. Call me crazy, but I do like him a whole lot." Lily took a deep breath and added more calmly: "In short: get lost."

"Then _congratulations_ to the two lovebirds." James sneered before turning on his heels and going to his dorm.

Lily knew Severus probably liked her as more than a friend, but not until that very moment she considered she might feel the same way.

A.N.: Worry not, dear readers. Actual romantic fluff is underway hahaha Also thank you guys so much for the reviews, I read and appreciate all of them :D


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N.: Sooo before someone asks me why I'm not mentioning the nose or the hair or anything really let me explain you something about the narrator of the Harry Potter series. It's third limited, which means it can only read the thoughts of one person (Harry) and it's unreliable. In the only neutral description we have of Snape (Half-Blood Prince, when he meets Bellatrix and Narcisa), these characteristics are not even _mentioned_. The narrator in that chapter is reliable because he's not reading anyone's thoughts, but he isn't objective: he's bothered by Pettigrew's appeareance but not Snape's. I'm not trying to say Snape's secretely handsome, because he's not, though I'm taking a wild guess here and I'll consider that his looks are probably average, his hair is just a little bit greasy and his nose just a little crooked and a person who doesn't know him at all wouldn't take notice of those traits (like the reliable narrator didn't), let alone a person who's in love with him.**

Lily snuck out of her dorm and made her way towards the Hospital Wing with James' words still ringing on her ears. _Admit it, you are _in love _with him_. The worst of everything is that James somehow tried to shame her for it. Sev wasn't a bad person at all, plus Lily never understood why James and his gang always tried to make less of Sev's appearance.

The curtains were closed around his bed when she arrived to the Hospital Wing, and she opened them slightly, just enough to peek at him. He was focused on a book floating above his lap. Lily didn't understood what was so bad about him… In fact, it was adorable the way he tucked his hair behind his ears when he brewed potions, it was funny how he'd tickle his own nose using a quill if he was extremely concentrated.

She realized he had been trying to hold back a smile for some time, even though his eyes were still on his book.

"What are you looking at?" he asked, giving in and genuinely grinning in embarrassment. "I know I look hideous with those bruises."

Lily smiled as well and went through the curtains to the private space they created around Severus' bed.

"I was being a creep, sorry. You don't look bad, though. How are you feeling?" she asked and sat on the edge of the bed. His gaze rested on her made her feel uneasy in a good way; the anxiety of not knowing what to do and what he would think of it was unsettling but… Enjoyable.

Severus put away the book and pulled his legs closer to him so Lily had more room for herself.

"I'm good, I think. There's something I need to show you, though… I'm not sure how I feel about that."

He picked up a parcel from his bedside table and put in on the bed, between himself and his friend.

"Dumbledore gave the cloak and the map to me." He said. "He thought I'd need them to meet with you… Because we can't be friends for everyone to see. I… I honestly don't want to use them."

"No, it's fine, if you don't want to use them, we'll find another way. I just don't want to stop seeing you again." Lily said. Her stomach's contents stirred while she spoke those words. What if he could read her mind right then and discover what she thought about the entire day?

"I don't want that, either." he replied, lowering his eyes to his legs.

Lily swallowed hard. She couldn't hold her thoughts inside but also didn't feel like diving head first; she wasn't sure of how she felt. A couple days ago she hated Severus' guts and now she might be in love? Too fast for her to process.

"I… I kind of spoke with James today. He apologized and asked for me to forgive him."

"And what did you say to him…?" Severus asked in a low murmur.

"Something about ripping his balls out if he hurts you again." Lily replied with a dismissive shake of hand. "Come on, you seriously thought I'd date him after all this? No, not at all. I talked to him because I know he wouldn't stop trying unless he had a definitive no. He won't bother me anymore, I guess."

"I hope so."

Lily took the parcel out of the way and sat beside Severus. It felt natural and comforting to cuddle against his chest and close her eyes for a little bit, enjoying his fingers running through her hair, slowly. If she was a cat, she would be purring.

"How do you think your lives are going to be?" she said. "Because after all this, I can safely say you are my only friend. I will always have to keep secrets from everyone else. Not to be conceited or anything, but I think I'm your only friend too."

"I don't need anyone else. But if you ever feel tired of doing this for me, I'll understand." Severus replied, much to her surprise.

Lily's heart was beating fast and strong against her ribs. She felt that this was her clue to say everything that has been on her mind. They were friends, right? She could tell him about her thoughts.

"Do you think this is what love feels like, Sev? I mean... I think I... I think I'm in..." The words wouldn't come out, but when they did, Lily couldn't stop herself: "I mean, I everyone else who knows is probably thinking I'm crazy for sticking with you and wanting to be with you but I don't want to be with anyone else, either. This feels right. What I'm trying to say is that I think I'm in love with you. Sorry if I'm scaring you or anything... I'm confused and I need to know if you feel the same way."

"I don't think we should be together." Severus replied.

Lily sat up and faced him.

"Why?"

"Don't get me wrong, I like you. I love you. From the bottom of my heart. I went crazy when I thought I lost you but Lily... It's not fair for you. You know my life is walking on a thin line here and we'll never be together like we should be. Do you see a future for me? Do you see a future _with_ me?"

He wasn't blushing and he wasn't embarassed for talking about his feelings out loud. Severus was... Sad, maybe. Sad that even though Lily reciprocated his feelings, they would never lead a normal life and be a normal couple. They were only 16, but what he said was true, and things would only get worse from there.

"I don't care. Not at all. We will think of something. I'm probably crazy and insane but it's all worth it. You are worth it, Sev."

"You'll change your mind. It's harder than it looks and I'm not that good, either."

Lily didn't think she was getting her point across clearly, if he still thought she would change her mind about it. Alright, maybe she was young and it has only been two days, and maybe things were going to be frustrating and much worse but Lily would never sleep peacefully if she didn't show him how much she appreciated and enjoyed him. Lily would never forgive herself if Severus felt lonely and without support again.

So she leaned in his direction and kissed his lips softly. And again. And again. And once more.

"I'll never leave you alone again. We are a team, right?" she said, this time not afraid of looking right into his dark eyes. "Always."

She didn't sleep that night yet when the morning came, energy didn't seem to be a problem for her. Lily realized she wouldn't have any other way.

LsLsLs

James couldn't comprehend or absorb what happened. Lily sort of confirmed what he had been afraid of three days ago and now Snivellus was out of the Hospital Wing; how could James understand that Lily rejected him when she ignored Snivellus so well? She was pretending, James knew, but even so... The whole act was so convincing.

It was like Snivellus never was her friend.

"Stop being bummed about Lily rejecting you." Sirius said when he noticed James was grumpier than the usual. "We have bigger worries now. Like how we are going to get out of this bloody jail."

Dumbledore wasn't kidding when he said they would be severely punished. No trips to Hogsmeade, earlier curfew, all kinds of detentions with Mr. Filch, and the worst of them all, no cloak and no Marauder's Map. James supposed he wasn't kidding when he said James and Sirius would be expelled if they caused anymore trouble.

"The answer is that we won't get out of this jail. Dumbledore is being serious and he's fed up with us. We will be out if we do anything else we shouldn't be doing."

"What happened with you guys, again?" asked Peter.

The four friends were chilling, late of the night, at the common room, and it was public knowledge that James and Sirius were in big trouble. Somehow. Remus knew about what truly happened: James was particularly pissed off that they had to do whatever Snivellus told them to do and Peter couldn't know anything.

"We tried to steal something we shouldn't. That's all." Sirius said with a sneer curling up the corners of his mouth. He, too, wanted badly to spill everything to Peter but he knew he couldn't. And if Dumbledore decided to put him in Azkaban, he could, so Sirius had to tone it down. Actually he could put James too, because he knew that they were illegal animagi now.

"What did you try to steal?" Peter asked again, the glow on his little eyes more evident.

"Nothing that is of your business." James snapped, trying to put an end on the conversation.

And then Lily went down the stairs which led to the girls' dorms. No one said anything as she walked out of the common room, even though it was well after curfew.

"What is happening?!" Peter exclaimed. "Why is everyone acting so weird?"

Remus sighed.

"It's nothing. Really."

"You just don't want to tell me. I thought there were no secrets between us. I'm going to sleep."

When Peter was no longer in the room, Sirius said: "He's getting on my nerves!"

"I won't be able to rest." James said. "I won't be able to rest until I see with my own eyes that Lily chose him over me. I can't believe it."

"What you are saying here is that you want to follow her. I wouldn't do that, if I were you. It hurts but you must accept it." Remus said.

James stood up and went to the door.

"Just this one time. I have to."

He didn't even have to walk at all to see what he wanted - or rather didn't want - to see. Just a peek on the hallway showed his the definitive proof he had been definitely rejected. A little further down the hallway, Lily had her hands around Snivellus' neck and his hands were around her waist. They exchanged a quick kiss on the lips, and although Lily spoke too low to James to hear, he managed to read her lips.

_I love you, Sev._

If this was a nightmare, James wanted to wake up soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Three years later**

"So what are we going to do? Are we just going to pretend until forever that we are not banging each other?" asked Lily.

It was the night before graduation and they were lying down on the grass of the quidditch field, stargazing. Eventually Severus got over his disgust and decided to use the cloak and the map. And there they were, sharing a bottle of firewhiskey and looking at the stars.

He couldn't say his life was bad, even though technically he had been spying for Voldemort for six months and in the very next night, he was supposed to get the Dark Mark branded into his arm.

"Yes. I suppose so. We'll be in the same class at our Potions degree so… I think we have to pretend for a little longer."

"A little longer." Lily snorted. "It's only getting worse. I'm glad that my parents died before Voldemort could kill them."

Earlier that year, Lily's parents died to an accidental fire on their house. Petunia didn't live there anymore and Lily was at Hogwarts; she suspected of Voldemort at first but Malfoy said it hadn't been Voldemort's doing.

And things were getting worse. Muggles were getting attacked every single day, but no one could prove anything. Severus could, though if he were to uncover himself, it would have to be to give Voldemort the last blow before his fall. Any moment earlier than that, and it would be suicide.

Severus wasn't suicidal. He wanted to live, live long enough to have a normal life with Lily, marry and have ginger and black-haired kids with bad temper and freckles.

"I'm sorry." Severus said. "I feel sorry every single day that you have to share this burden with me. You have no idea how mad this makes me."

"It doesn't matter. It truly doesn't. As long as I am with you. I'm not going to lie and say these are the ideal conditions, but trust me, without you I'd be much more miserable."

"So you do feel miserable."

"I will as long as you feel the same."

Severus rolled to his side so he could see Lily's pretty – albeit tired – eyes.

"Wouldn't it be much easier for you if you just forget about me and fall in love with someone who isn't about to get the Dark Mark?"

"It wouldn't make me happy. I feel happy when we are like this. I feel happy when I see your smile. I feel happy when I ignore you on the hallways but I know that late at night you'll be there to grab my boobs."

Severus couldn't hold back a laugh. Lily was at her funniest when she was mildly drunk.

"I love you. I'll love you even if you get tired of me."

Lily slapped his face slightly and covered his mouth with her hand.

"Shhhhhhhhhhh. Stop saying such nonsense. We are good. I love you. I'll never regret being with you, you silly egg. Remember this when you have to face Voldemort tomorrow."

Despite knowing a lot about his plans and mastering Occlumency, the night of his branding would his first time meeting with Voldemort. He had no idea if his Occlumency skills were going to be enough to fool Voldemort; he could die. But he didn't have the heart to tell Lily about the risks he had to take. Keeping his barriers up when his arm was being branded on fire would be a challenge.

And he didn't want to spoil his possible last moments with her.

The graduation ceremony was boring and filled with tension. They were basically being ejected to the war happening at the Wizardry World; most students recognized that. A small number seemed to be excited about it. Namely Avery and Mulciber, who were safe under Voldemort's wings, and Potter, Black and company.

They were member of the Order of the Phoenix now and probably thought they were invincible. Lily was a member too much to her dislike; Severus worked for the Order, but preferred not to be a member of it.

He didn't care about anyone there but Lily, and he was pretty sure no one but Lily cared about him.

Though he had to lock his memories of her deep inside his mind when he arrived at Kings Cross. From there, he, Avery and Mulciber would have to go straight to the Malfoy Mansion for dinner, branding and their first reunion as official Death Eaters.

"Do you think it's going to hurt?" asked Mulciber.

"The pain will be worth it." replied Severus.

Staying alive for a little longer certainly was worth the pain of the branding.

The Malfoy Mansion was everything Severus pictured on his mind. It was an ancient and magnificent building. The decoration was mainly green and silver, and even though it was well lit, the dark furniture seemed to suck away the light.

The dining room had a long table at the center, and in the head of the table, there was a chair which looked more like a throne in deep green velvet and old silver. Closer to him sat Lucius Malfoy and the most important Death Eaters, all in masks.

Severus, Avery and Mulciber didn't earn their masks yet, so they sat the very end of the table, with their faces bare. More than a question of status, Severus knew it was a matter of trust and safety. Many Death Eaters were infiltrated in the Ministry and in Gringotts and their identities could not be revealed to newcomers.

It was expected for a high number of wanna be Death Eeaters to drop out and start talking too much as soon as they saw how serious and cruel Voldemort was.

The table slowly filled as house elves served elf wine and firewhiskey for everyone present. Severus declined several offers to drink, even though it would possibly numb the pain. He didn't want to be drunk, slip up on his Occlumency and of course, die.

Of course dying drunk would be a more pleasant experience, however he was willing to take the risk. Avery and Mulciber were slightly green and shaky as the time went by and the table was completely filled.

Voldemort himself would show up in a few moments.

And show up he did.

And, once more, the reality didn't fail to meet Severus' expectations. Voldemort looked more like a snake than a human: he had no nose, red eyes, paper white skin and no hair, be it head hair or body hair.

He sat by his throne.

"Tonight we shall welcome three new Death Eaters to our circles, even though they are not new. Avery, Mulciber and Snape served us before and gladly will continue to do so until the moment of their deaths."

They didn't do much in fact, just leaked some names of potential Order of the Phoenix members. But nothing Dumbledore didn't approve first… Avery and Mulciber were not aware of that, however.

"A toast." suggested Lucius Malfoy. "For three very promising members."

They toasted, and cheered, and ate, and everyone there pushed them to drink as much as possible. Severus didn't have a single drop; Occlumency stopped him from feeling nervous or fearful. There was only one thing in his mind and that thing was getting out of there in one piece.

Eventually, however, came the moment Avery and Mulciber were dreading.

The table was vanished and the Death Eaters stood in a circle around Voldemort. Severus, Avery and Mulciber were in the center of it.

Severus looked straight into Voldemort's eyes, while his other two companions tried to avert their eyes, the alcohol showing their true coward nature.

"We have a bold one here, I see." Voldemort observed.

"I should not be afraid of my master. Fear is the weakest link of them all, my Lord." Severus replied.

"Then you shall be the first to set the example for your two friends."

"As you wish."

Severus walked to stand before him while unbuttoning his sleeve to show him his left arm. Voldemort looked like a statue, even though he moved. There was something unchanged and unmoved about his face; Severus feared that Voldemort's thirst for power would never get satisfied and once he conquered the Wizardry World, he started to destroy his own allies.

Voldemort grabbed Severus' arm; the touch of the tip of Voldermort's wand gave Severus shivers down his spine.

Severus felt an intense, almost maddening, burning sensation as two black snakes appeared on his arm and formed a skull, which then opened its mouth and let loose another snake, as if it was its tongue.

Occlumency was very useful in occasions like that, too. Because Severus locked away the pain in a distant place of his mind and could get through the process without feeling the need of reaction, even though he did react to it with scowls and repressed screams of pain. The last thing he needed was Voldemort being aware of his Occlumens abilities.

He stepped back, admiring the Dark Mark moving on his arm.

But it was not shocking, not at all. He knew for a very long time that he had no way to escape from Voldemort.

He had the Dark Mark much before the time of his branding.

A.N.: Pretty short and badly edited D: I'm busy with school and had one hour to do this. Keep reading and reviewing though, I read everything and weigh in suggestions :D


	8. Chapter 8

Lily felt much safer as she finally walked inside of her building. The insurance and the money her parents left her was enough to buy a tiny little flat in one of the worst neighbors of London, but it was something; lost within hundreds of thousands of muggles, she felt much safer and almost normal.

Just a young unlucky woman trying to get through the day.

She needed to get a part time job and fast if she didn't want the bills to pile up at her door: the money she got for renting the flat wouldn't last for long. Petunia tried to make the best deal and find the best inquiline. She had been really "helpful" with that mostly because she didn't want to have Lily living with her and her fiancée.

Lily dropped in the old, uncomfortable couch with her mind trying to focus on anything but the fact Severus would face – or was facing already – Voldemort. It was too painful to think about that, and too painful that she would have to deal with James, Sirius and Remus alone at the Order's meetings, because Severus refused to reveal his identity to anyone else.

She had to agree with him that it was for the better. Each person was a loose end. Lily herself had to give Occlumency a try in case she was caught by a Death Eater. The chances were pretty low considering she was just a pawn in the game, but even so, better be safe than sorry.

In a few hours, she headed to Severus' home, to wait for him, but not before walking past the spot where her house was. A new house was already up, and a happy family with a dad, a mom and one boy shared a nighttime meal in the dining room.

From across the street, her dreamy eyes focused on the scene, wondering when she could have her own happy family. All she had left was a sour sister and a boyfriend she couldn't be with publicly.

And his home wasn't a welcoming place. Maybe it was for him, a dark place full of books and potions' materials, but it gave her the chills. She sat at the armchair by the fireplace and waited in silence, not daring to touch anything in there.

Eventually, the door threw open and Severus walked inside, closing the door before him. His dark eyes were opaque and dead, as if though Voldemort sucked out his very soul.

"I'm branded." he said in a calm tone of voice.

"I brought you an ointment. I hope it'll help." Lily replied, running into his arms.

With the right arm, he brought her closer and kissed her forehead.

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"Good, I think. How's your arm?"

Lily held him at an arm's length and studied him up and down. Despite looking quite dead, he was in one piece.

"Sore."

"Let's go to the kitchen. I'll put some bandages over it."

"I don't want you to see it." Severus said as he sat down on the kitchen table and put his left arm over it.

Tears pooled in her eyes, slowly but surely, as she undressed his arm and covered the Dark Mark in her deep purple ointment.

"I'll make you feel better. You'll see. This will take away the pain."

She knew fairly well no magical formula would take away _their_ pain. That was why she joined the Order of the Phoenix in the first place, even though she didn't feel very inclined to do so. Dumbledore was the only wizard who could defeat Voldemort, and Lily couldn't throw her hands in the air and hide in the muggle world without doing anything.

Unless Voldemort was gone, she wouldn't have peace of mind or a family.

Her delicate fingers bandaged Severus' arm while she tried hard not to cry.

"You'll have to go to the meeting tomorrow?" asked Severus.

"Y-yes. I'll look for a few jobs and I'll have to go."

"Can you stay the night? I warded the door. No one is going to bother us tonight."

Lily didn't think twice about it.

"Sure. Can I get you anything? Water, some juice? I can make you a sandwich if you are hungry."

Severus' lips crept up minimally.

"Let's discover how much I can do with you while feeling just one arm."

The red haired woman snorted in response. Severus sometimes knew very well how to break the tension and bring back an atmosphere of normalcy. But the reality of the situation never failed to knock at their door. When Lily woke up cuddled against his slim frame, everything felt right in the world. A little look in her wrist watch on the floor told her she was late for job-hunting, however.

She kissed his lips before dressing up as fast as she could and running out of the door.

And several hours later, she crashed exhausted at her couch. No job, no money and she still had to go to the Order of the Phoenix meeting at no place else than James' house.

That would be interesting, to say the least.

James' house was what Lily would call a mansion. A three-store old but well-kept building. The front lawn was well taken care of and the insides of the house were no less impressive than the outside.

Lily felt almost like a stranger, with her cheap clothes and bills to pay. James clearly didn't have to worry with money.

The dining room and the kitchen – two large rooms separated by a counter – were a complete mess. The Order sure was big. The Weasleys, Molly and Arthur, were there as well as Dumbledore, McGonagall and some other people Lily didn't know but greeted her and looked friendly enough.

The Order was scattered into small groups and Lily didn't fit in anywhere. And sure didn't fit in with James, Sirius, Remus and Peter nearby the counter.

She understood more or less how Severus must have felt in all his years at Hogwarts. Sitting by the corner with no one to talk to. Lily tried her best to understand him but realized she never truly did, back when she didn't know the whole truth.

And then a short haired woman approached her, with a round face and a pretty smile.

"Hi, I'm Alice. You should be Lily Evans, am I right? I don't think you remember me but we were both Gryffindors. I was in my forth year when you came to Hogwarts. Sorry if I'm sounding creepy, by the way. Just wanted you to feel welcome. We are all friends here."

Lily wasn't so sure about that… However she did recall Alice: she was very private while at Hogwarts; the rumors had it she wanted to be an auror. Probably she was always at the library studying.

"I remember you, actually. You wanted to be an auror, right? How did that go?"

"I made it! Frank and I. You probably don't remember him, either, but we are engaged now. He was my best friend during Hogwarts. I'm so happy I'm even talking about it to strangers, I'm sorry!"

Lily smiled at Alice's happiness. She felt the same way about being Severus, even though it was difficult. It was better than, for example, picking James, leading an easy life with a jerk and not realizing it.

"I'm glad that you are together." Lily said.

"And what about you? I know you had tons of boys after you in Hogwarts. Cared to date any of them?"

"I'm just trying to get by, mostly. Not a lot of time to think about that, and such. I'm going for a Potions degree next fall as well so it will consume much of my time too."

She was looking forward to it, however. Even though they probably wouldn't be talking to each other, they would get to see each other every day.

Their friendly conversation was interrupted by Dumbledore standing up and gesturing for everyone to make silence.

"I am glad that we are all here safe and sound." he said. "This is mostly a welcome reunion so I promise I'll be brief and let you know each other. As you know, Voldemort's threat upon the Wizardry World grows stronger every year. I have decided to create the Order of the Phoenix as the way of fighting it back, outside of the Ministry, which we know that has been under Voldemort's indirect control for some time now. This fight will not be easy; I welcome the new members with my warmest wishes of luck and I applaud to their bravery and boldness to dare to risk their lives for the greater good."

Lily didn't feel brave or bold. She was there mostly because it was the only way she could actively work towards one day being able to be with Severus. She was there because she had nowhere else to run to for assistance.

Though her former classmates seemed to be in for the thrill of doing something under the Ministry's nose. They were laughing at each other, making jokes… She didn't think they understood quite rightly how bad the situation was.

Of course they wouldn't know. James was a rich pureblood, Sirius was another rich pureblood. Remus probably let them influence him and Peter surely got caught up in their way of seeing things.

The reality was much less exciting than that.

She left the meeting with a hole in her chest. She wished Severus could be there.

LsLsL

The summer passed in slow agony; after furtive meetings with Lily, not so furtive meetings with the Death Eaters, and several muggle raids, Severus was glad he could go back to a normal routine, studying for his Master degree at Potions, in the same class as Lily.

In the english Wizardry World, there were no Universities as in the muggle world. Most wizards travelled abroad to perfect their techniques in specialized schools, but for Severus and Lily, they could take classes at a small school funded by the Ministry; the Unspeakables needed deep knowledge in several areas, such as Charms and Potions. They were first of all, researchers.

Severus could choose to become an Unspeakable, if he wanted to, but he had no plans for that, not yet.

The school was settled in a residencial building close to the Ministry; for the muggles living there, the building had fourteen stores but it actually had seventeen stores, accessible only by wizards in possession of their wands.

He waited patiently for the class to start. The room had a black board, and a teacher's desk, and five tables for two students each. Four of them were separated in two lines, and the fifth one was at the center, in the very back on the room. There was the door, and another door leading to the ingredients' closet.

A common Potions classroom if not for the fact they should be experimenting and brewing much more dangerous potions.

And that class specifically had ten students. All of them arrived and sat in the tables, choosing their pairs. Severus was alone. Lily was yet to arrive, and she would have to pair up with him.

She stormed in the room a couple of moments later, short-breathed, and faking hesitation, she sat in the only seat left for her, by Severus' side.

"Long time no see." he said, formally.

Lily nodded her head.

"Severus."

It was weird to hear her say his whole name. He was too much used to the childish nickname Sev.

"Before you say anything…" she went on. "I only sat here because there is nowhere else to sit."

Severus smirked.

"I noticed that small detail. Worry not. I'll behave."

"You better." She said through her teeth and looked straight forward to the black board, as if though it was incredibly unpleasant to be there.

But they both know just the fact they should be working together for the rest of the night was comforting enough. Studying for the degree together would be much better than Severus initially thought.

A.N.: Slow chapter, sorry… But it's necessary character development D:


	9. Chapter 9

Severus didn't have a good feeling about being called to have a private meeting with Voldemort. That could mean a mission to grant him a higher rank and therefore more access to information, and Severus didn't want to think about what he would have to do.

Unfortunately, he had to gather as much information as possible, so if the opportunity of getting it showed up, no other choice was left for him. Dumbledore stressed that fact very well; as if Severus didn't know that already. Just made him more distrustful of Dumbledore. If the mission he was supposed to get had to do with killing or harming someone, the old headmaster would probably tell him to go ahead, depending on whom the person was.

Alas Severus prepared himself very well for that meeting. His Occlumency didn't fail before, and couldn't fail now. He mind was clear and calm when he walked inside the study room where Voldemort sat by an armchair, with an ancient book opened on his lap.

"Sit down, please." He said, gesturing to a simple wooden chair in front of him.

"Thank you, my Lord."

Severus' house was filled with books but he was sure he didn't own half the number of that single room.

"I'm afraid this is not the right time to appreciate the sight of all these beautiful books." Voldemort said with malice. "An opportunity of gaining my trust landed on your lap, yesterday at night, and in my opinion, this is a much more important subject."

Yesterday night, Severus was taking his first Potions class for his degree and it was, technically, the first time Lily and he spoke to each other after Severus called her a mudblood.

"You are talking about Evans, the mudblood?" Severus asked, knowing the Dark Lord already read his mind anyway.

"Precisely. I have my reasons to believe she belongs to the Order. Of course her name isn't in the list of possible names you gathered while you were still a pupil at Hogwarts, however it is very likely that Dumbledore asked her to join as well. What I want you to do, and I think you are in position of doing so because you are paired with her in your classes, is to find your way in to the Order. She might be your path there."

"Is that so, my Lord?"

"Of course. I'm sure you can lure her into believing you are sorely regretting your decision of becoming a Death Eater and that you want a second chance. Dumbledore must be desperate for a spy inside our ranks, so he'll take you in, if he knows that you… Ah, well… Want to choose the right path this time." Voldemort went on. "I do hope that you keep your head in the right place or else I'm afraid I'll have to chop it off. I'll be watching your steps very carefully. This a good chance of proving your worth, and I advise you to do your best."

Severus went back to his house, trying to find a solution for the mess he got himself into. He was surely going to be watched: Voldemort put Severus in the position of being the spy because it was convenient, but didn't trust him enough. A wrong step, a single mistake, and he could consider himself dead.

Most of all, it also meant Lily would have to be dragged even further into this. This wasn't a mission Severus could refuse or fail. They would have to figure something out together. Or Lily could just leave him and be safer.

He much preferred the last option.

And so he went straight to her flat. The quicker they could solve the problem, the better.

Lily opened the door right away for him to come inside. She looked exhausted, and her flat was a complete mess.

"Sorry about it." She said, holding back a yawn. "It has been just one day but working and studying has been a little too much for me."

Severus felt a physical pain in his chest, to know that she had to go through to all of that because of him. She could find a better boyfriend and maybe move in with him and don't have the need to work so much while studying for a Master degree.

He walked inside and sat by the couch, trying to pick his words. He could put a bigger burden on her shoulder, or end it all right there.

"I think it's time for our relationship to end."

All Lily did was to sit by his side and sigh.

"Come on, spill it out… What happened this time? I know you think I'd be happier without you, yada, yada, but I thought we were over it. I'm with you all times, even when it's difficult."

She knew him all too well. Severus was sure he didn't let through any expression on his face, and yet she knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Well, what happened is that Voldemort wants me to befriend you again and be a member of the Order of the Phoenix to spy on what they are up to. And I don't want to involve you in this."

"You never want to, but I always will. We are a team. Plus, we can take advantage out of the situation, I think."

"I don't think there is a bright side to this, Lily…"

Lily rested her head against the curve of his neck, snuggling into him.

"It has. We can be together again, sort of. You can teach me Occlumency and we'll just fool everyone. Everyone but well, you know."

"Yes." Replied Severus sourly. "_I know_."

"I just don't want to go to the meetings alone anymore." She confessed in a murmur. "Don't get me wrong, some members are nice but I really want you there."

Severus couldn't say no. Not because his head was at stake, but because Lily's happiness was. He still didn't assimilate how his mere presence could do anything to make her happy, but if she said so…

"Alright. But we need to talk to Dumbledore first about this and then see what we are going to do. Probably will involve staging some memories… Most people will trust Dumbledore's decision but I can't be welcome at the Order. We'll have to ask _them_ to make everyone even more distrustful. Everyone must be turned against me. And you, consequently."

He felt a light kiss on his jaw.

"Who cares? I would have stand up for you much earlier if it wasn't going to blow up your cover."

"Then we'll talk to Dumbledore first thing tomorrow, alright? I want you to feel happy."

"Thanks, Sev."

He was merely putting her into more trouble.

"You are welcome… I guess."

LsLsLs

"Do you think Snivellus is going to be there?" Sirius asked as he, James and Remus walked down a muggle street.

"I am certain he will." James replied.

A meeting at Lily's place. With Dumbledore. No subject to be spoken of. Of course Snape would take the chance to show off the fact he was still with Lily.

"Do you think they did it on the couch we are going to sit?"

"Could you stop with the questions?" Remus said with a scowl. "No one needs to visualize _that_."

"Sorry, I am a little drunk. Couldn't show up with a clear head."

"Me neither." Confessed James, although he felt like smashing something instead of asking questions he didn't want to know the answer.

Probably he wouldn't sit down.

It was a poor neighborhood and her flat sure could be more comfortable. Dumbledore was already there, sitting at an armchair he for certain conjured since there was no way someone could get it through the door.

Lily was sitting by one couch, with her hair tied up in a pony tail and a clean, shiny face. She looked happy and healthy, even though she wasn't smiling.

"Please, sit down." She said and cleaned her throat. "Do you want coffee or anything?"

"No, thank you." Remus replied politely and sat down. Sirius sat right after and James saw no option but sitting down too.

Then someone came up from the kitchen with a mug of coffee. No one less than Snivellus himself. He didn't change much: he certainly didn't wash his hair right yet and his nose was still huge.

Although his black robes were more stylish than his old clothes. In short, he looked like a giant bat. But it was the giant bat that sat beside Lily and placed a hand on her thigh, not James, like it should be.

"Since we are all gathered here I see no reason to postpone this any further." Dumbledore said.

Good, James thought. He didn't want to stay _any further_ and watch the two lovebirds.

"Voldemort has granted Severus the important mission of infiltrating on the Order of the Phoenix. And of course, since we in this room are the only ones to know his true allegiance, we all must be part of this plan."

Sirius snorted.

"And who said I want to help him?"

"Well, you have no other choice." Lily said. "Thing is if Severus get Voldemort's trust, we'll have more access to vital information. Which is what we need at the moment. I suppose that if you joined the Order, you knew that you would have to do whatever you can do, and this is what you can do. It's probably less exciting than what you were expecting, but it's not my problem if you are out of touch with reality."

"What are we supposed to do, anyway?" asked Remus.

"It isn't something you will find difficult to do." Dumbledore replied with a smirk. "I just want you to distrust Severus, openly. Voldemort needs to know that Severus isn't welcome at the Order and no one there believes him. You three from all members must trust him the most even if you are not fond of each other, so you will need to create tension."

It was James' time to snort.

"Who said I trust him?"

He might as well be modifying everyone's memory. Who knows? Dumbledore was a powerful wizard but wasn't infallible.

"I think it should be proof enough that I'm still alive and free." Lily replied. "If you don't trust him, that's your problem, but it doesn't take away the fact that he's our only spy, and therefore, very important to the Order."

Meanwhile, the almight spy was sipping silently on his coffee. But he sighed and put the mug down.

"Listen, Potter, whatever you have against me, this is not the time to discuss it. This is not about me, or Lily, or Dumbledore. This is about helping the Wizardry World. I am the only one in position to effectively spy for the Order at this moment. If you joined the Order thinking all you would do was fight in battles against Death Eaters, you are so very wrong. This isn't Voldemort's style. He'll stab you in your sleep. He'll manipulate you, torture you, and force you to abandon every single moral you might have. And what you have to do won't be hard. All I'm asking is for you to continue to act as you normally would. I must not be welcome at the Order."

James crossed his arms in front his chest.

"Alright. You win this time. But be sure I won't hold myself back."

Snape had the courage to smile.

"I'm sure you'll do your job accordingly."

James' life sure hit the rock bottom if he had to follow Snape's rules.

A.N.: I won't be posting for three or so days because I'll go through a small surgery on my teeth. Also sorry for the lack of editing this chapter, I was really short on time but since I will go some time without posting, I don't want to postpone publishing this chapter. Thank you for all reviews as well :D I listen very carefully to all suggestions.


	10. Chapter 10

"I have a bad feeling about this." said Severus, once all the visitors on Lily's flat were gone. "I don't think we can trust them with this."

"Dumbledore won't let them do anything stupid. This isn't about us or our old quarrels anymore. It's about the Order and what we can do as members." Lily replied with a reassuring smile and a pat on his hand.

"They are going to do something stupid, someday. Dumbledore never stopped them, why should he stop them now? I highly doubt they are capable of seeing things the way you do. Or that they have any hint of common sense inside their heads."

It was not so much as them being reckless and thoughtless, but about the fact that if they were to repeat their behavior now, someone would get killed. Most likely Severus himself and maybe Lily; and they would just move on with their lives as if nothing happened.

Lily sighed.

"We have no other option, I guess… Hey, I have to leave for work now, when you are done with your coffee just put the key under the rug in front the door, alright? See you soon."

With a quick kiss on his forehead, she was gone. Although her presence was everywhere in the apartment, from the flowers on the center table to the smell of her shampoo coming from the bathroom.

Severus very much wished he could stay forever and wait for her to come back with a meal he probably didn't know how to cook. He couldn't, however, so he finished his coffee and left, leaving the key under the rug as he was instructed.

When he was back to his empty home, he thought he should probably think of a way of being in two places at the same time. Of course Voldemort wasn't watching his every move but it would be dangerous to disappear for a couple of hours with certain frequency.

It would get better once he managed to befriend Lily publicly again, at least.

The day passed slowly. Severus studied for his degree for a couple of hours, studied Dark Arts for some time and overall just went forth with his routine as if everything was normal and perfect in his world.

And then the night came, and he was more than ready to put his plan into practice and "befriend" Lily again and be able to be with her without worrying about Voldemort. The situation probably wouldn't go on for a long time but at least it was something, for the time being.

He knew that he shouldn't be making life long plans, in the way he stood in a very thin line that could break at any given moment.

But as he sat down on his now usual spot at the classroom, he could at least rejoice the fact that Lily would sit next to him and they would work together for a few hours.

They were the youngest students there and no one was very sympathetic as well. Just busy workers trying to become Unspeakables at any cost.

The class was half full when Lily arrived. She made an attempt to walk past straight him but he said: "I won't bite, you know? After all this time, you have to agree we still are a great team when it comes to Potions."

Lily was an excellent actress, not that Voldemort could sense what she was thinking through Severus' memories. She pursed her lips slightly, as if she felt troubled but had to admit the truth of what he was saying, and then she sat down.

"This doesn't mean I'm in good terms with you again."

"Sure doesn't. I behaved well last night, I must say."

Even though they spoke lowly, everyone else was focused in their conversation, which was by far the most interesting thing in the room. Just like Severus wanted. Voldemort sure would try and do a background check to see if Severus wasn't fooling him somehow…

Well, he was, but he hoped to be one step ahead from Voldemort.

When the class was over, Severus stayed behind as Lily gathered her things, trying to be quick but being too clumsy in the process.

"Want some help?" he asked.

"Not from you."

Severus smirked. He was having a lot of fun, staging those memories. The class was already empty at that point, however.

"Come on. We were best friends. I'm sure you didn't forget me."

"I was friends with you, when you weren't a…" Lily stopped mid-sentence, perfectly following the clues and going along with the whole scene.

"Death Eater? Well, maybe. But people change, my dear Lily, and they tend to regret their past choices." Severus said. "I don't see why I should keep secret of this fact since you already seem to know. Truth is I'm thinking twice about it, and I'm sorry for everything I've done to you."

"Haha. Very funny." Lily said and tried to walk away, but Severus held her wrist gently.

"I'm being serious. Would you please listen to me? In the name of the good old times?"

"There's nothing I can do for you, I'm sorry. I can't save you from whatever trouble you got yourself into."

"Please. I wouldn't be telling you this if I wasn't serious about it. This could kill me at this point, and yet here I am."

Lily sighed and pulled her arm away from Severus' grip.

"I have a feeling you won't rest until you tell me whatever you have to say."

"You are right. There's a good place for a coffee around the corner. Care to go with me there?"

A couple of hours and some fake tears later, Severus was satisfied with the way the plot was going. Lily pretended very well to soften her heart to him and try to help him as much as she could. It was, overall, believable, even though it looked too much like a soap opera for Severus' taste.

It didn't matter.

He could be with Lily on a daily basis and go to the meetings of the Order of the Phoenix as she wanted, so for the time being, all was well.

LsLsLs

"Are you ready?" asked Lily as they apparited in front of Potter's house.

"For the most part, yes."

Severus looked positively paler than his normal. He wasn't very ready to face everyone who would distrust him for the next months, Lily could tell. Most members wouldn't be open about it because after all they trusted Dumbledore, but sure James and company would take care of that and voice their "opinions".

At least Lily hoped they had enough brains to follow the plan and didn't attribute it to a personal attack from Severus. There was nothing personal about it; unfortunately the three of them were the only ones, aside from Dumbledore and McGonagall, who knew of Severus' true history. And so they had no choice but to cooperate.

But who knew if the destiny of the Wizardry World was enough to force them to follow the rules, just this once?

"Dumbledore announced I would be here today, I suppose?" Severus asked when he placed his hand of the front door's knob.

"Ah, well, I'm sure he did. I mean, you could leave with a few bruises and broken bones if you appeared without notice. But I'll be with you. If one of the members decide to do anything funny, I'll have your back covered."

"I'd appreciate the gesture." He said and opened the door.

Lily took the lead from there, and went straight to the magnificent dining room of the house. Everyone was talking in whispers but stopped when Severus and Lily showed up and sat down at the two most distant chairs.

"I still don't agree with this." Said Sirius, turning to Dumbledore. "Come on, Dumbledore, why let a Death Eater walk inside our headquarter so easily?"

"And my house, no less." James added. "Who guarantees me I'll be alive tomorrow?"

Their fake speech added more tension to the already tense room. Everyone had their wands at ready, except from Severus and Lily.

"I've questioned him with Veritaserum, his intentions seem to be truthful." Dumbledore replied.

"As if Veritaserum was infallible." McGonagall said under her breath.

Sure the moods were somewhat stirred. The other members seemed to be downright angry and baffled at the whole situation, with the antagonistic remarks.

"Either you believe me or not, that is your choice." Severus said. "But I do bring vital information. Voldemort pretends to do a muggleborn raid on Godric Hollow's tomorrow at midnight. Instead of questioning Dumbledore's choices, how about thinking of a way to counter attack the raid?"

Godric Hollows was an ancient wizard village. It was said that Godric Gryffindor, one of the founders of Hogwarts, lived there. It made sense that Voldemort would want the place clear from "mudbloods".

But as Lily knew, it was information Voldemort approved Severus to share so he could gain the Order's trust. As long as the other members were not aware of this fact, everything would be fine.

Severus was still to find out what would Voldemort want within Godric's Hollow so much, that it was worth a visit. His muggle or muggleborn raids were never purposeless.

From there, the meeting went as swiftly as possible. People trusted Dumbledore, in the end of the day, despite his unusual choices and plans. But even then they had to walk the line of people believing Severus and at the same time being hostile to him because otherwise Voldemort might think he was getting too chummy and therefore unfit to be a spy.

Lily tried to trust Dumbledore as well, because unfortunately this wasn't a war she and Severus could fight alone.

A.N.: The chapters with Snape and Lily are coming to an end soon, I'm afraid… ): But that's on the summary so please don't kill me for killing them haha


	11. Chapter 11

**A few months later**

Lily stared at her plate of eggs with her stomach stirring uncomfortably. Technically she should be hungry since her last meal was a quick snack before working almost the entire night in the project she and Severus were supposed to develop for an important grade for their Master degree.

She was tired, overworked, and it was not the greatest time to catch stomach flu…

Even though life for her was swifter than it was a couple of years ago, it was far from being perfect. The Order was crumbling, slowly but surely. Severus was an excellent double agent however it seemed that Voldemort was immortal; the war wouldn't be over until they figured out a way to kill him. The answer seemed to be so out of reach and a handful of members already perished on the fight.

It was a Saturday morning, and Lily had to get back to the Potions school and spend her day there experimenting, trying to perfect a stupidly complex potion. The few other students went for simpler projects, but Severus being who he is, wouldn't settle for something ordinary, when the both of them were the Potions dream team.

In short, she had to eat.

The eggs tasted rancid and Lily had to spit them out on the trash can.

As it turned out, she really didn't have to eat, did she? She took a few sips of coffee and went straight to her school, and to the experimenting room she and Severus had at their disposal.

He was already there, sitting at a chair in the corner, attentively staring at the cauldron in the middle of the room.

"I think we will be ready two months before the deadline. Once you discovered the right temperature, the potion is going well at a faster rate."

"Great! I can't wait to get over with this. Miss the good old times when we were just supposed to follow the textbook." Lily said, conjured a chair at his side and sat down with a heavy sigh. "I think I got ill. So if I didn't have to be here every single moment, I'd appreciate."

Severus caressed her thigh and turned to her to kiss her shoulder.

"I can cover for you. There isn't a lot to do today, just wait."

Lily shrugged.

"I'm already here. Plus I don't feel that bad. Just can't eat."

"Where would you get stomach flu?"

"Please, I work as a cashier. All I do the entire day is deal with dirty money. I'm actually happy this is the first stomach flu I catch in years."

"I'll brew you some medicine when I get home." Severus said.

"Great."

Lily rested her head against his shoulder. A few moments later, however, the heat was getting unbearable. Severus had stripped down to his white undershirt before she got in there; but she wasn't wearing anything warm to begin with and couldn't strip much further without exposing her skin, which was a big no no while experimenting.

"I think I need to take some air." she said and stood up all of sudden.

That wasn't a great move. The room started to black out and her knees gave in; she just didn't fall on the floor because of Severus' quick reflexes. The last thing she felt were his hands holding her.

The next thing was gaining back consciousness in the infirmary of the school with Severus sitting by her bed side with his legs and arms crossed and a great wrinkle between his eyebrows.

"I passed out, didn't I?" asked Lily, sitting up on her bed.

"Yes. The Healer isn't here anymore because there is nothing he can do for you. You shouldn't have come inside of a warm, humid room in the first place. But I bet you didn't know that."

"Well, considering I had to spend a lot of time inside that very room-"

"Lily, you are pregnant."

"I am _what_?!" Lily exclaimed, touching her lower stomach. It was an impression of hers, or was it a little bumpier than usual?

"Pregnant. May I ask from whom?"

Lily took a while to understand the clue: even though Voldemort knew they were close friends again, he didn't know they were a couple for four years. And for sure it would be bad for Severus if Voldemort found out that he slept with Lily…

And since they were not the only ones to know about the fact that Lily was pregnant, Voldemort would know even if Severus didn't tell him. It was time to put on a show again. But who would be the pretend father?

"Did the Healer tell you how many months old is my pregnancy?"

"Two."

Lily hesitated a little. Which name could she use? The only one which came into her mind was Remus; even though he was friends with James and Sirius, he seemed to be the only one of them capable of letting go of the old times and working together in a polite manner.

"Then I guess… Remus. We had a one night thing. In November. That was two months ago…"

Severus sighed.

"Shouldn't be so careless with your own body. But at any rate, go back home. I'll finish the project for us both, since you already figured out the biggest problem with it. Your things are on the floor beside you."

"I'll never be able to thank you enough."

Lily picked her things up and went home. Severus showed up half an hour later; Dumbledore managed to nick a time turner from the Ministry. They had plenty of time to be together lately… Which caused them some trouble, admittedly.

"I brought something for morning sickness." he said as he walked inside. "Do you need anything? I'll be here for the next three hours."

Lily was laying on her couch, but sat up in laughter.

"Well, I suppose sex is out of option right now."

Severus tried to keep his serious façade but couldn't; he laughed softly and sat beside Lily.

"What are we going to do now?" he said, returning to his collected self. "We really have to hope the baby turns out to be just like you, because I don't look anything like Remus."

"To be honest, I was thinking to myself you'd probably want me to terminate the pregnancy while it was in its early stages… We have to admit this is not the best time to have a child."

"Never. We'll find a way. I'll do my best to protect you and the baby."

"_And_ yourself." Lily added. "I won't lie to my own baby about who is the real father."

"Fair enough. If the baby gets my nose, I think it will be a little difficult to hide anything."

Lily laughed and snuggled against Severus.

"So let's hope it's a red-haired kid."

"I'll be sorry for my child if he or she looks anything like me, to be quite honest… But now we have to talk to Dumbledore. And Lupin. If you feel well enough, they could come here and we could… Think of a plan."

"Sounds like a great idea, actually. I want this figured out as soon as possible so I can relax. But can you imagine? You are going to be a dad in seven months."

Severus grinned. It was a shocking experience to see him all silly and playful about having a baby in the middle of the war when he was still the only spy inside of Voldemort's ranks that the Order had. But truth be told, getting rid of the baby wasn't an option.

"I can't picture it at all. I'm terrible with kids and I suppose my own aren't that good to deal with."

"Shut up, you are great. This is going to be great and the war will be over and then we'll have a family and everything."

In the possibility of truly having a family, and carrying the child of the love of her life, Lily's worried vanished in the background of her mind.

LsLsLs

_We need to talk. Peter can't know about this, though. I'll be there in 20._

James couldn't stop still, pacing all around the house. The note he got from Remus was certainly worthy of fretting over. Anything that they had to discuss that Peter couldn't know, had to do with Snape and Lily.

Apparently it wasn't enough that James had to cover for them for the last few months. No.. Of course. The longer the time passed, the more James realized he was far away from the rock bottom.

Sirius showed up ten minutes later, with a cigarette lit on his mouth.

"Bloody hell, can't Snivellus give us a fucking break?" he said as he stormed inside James' room. No doubt that he got the note too.

"I was thinking about just that. Give me one. I think I'll need ten."

They smoked in silent expectation when Remus appeared, with a silly, huge grin on his face.

"Lily's pregnant."

James spit his cigarette out of his window, hoping it wouldn't cause a fire in the front lawn.

"She's _what?_"

"And I'm the father."

"You _what_?" Sirius exclaimed.

Remus started to laugh uncontrollably. James and Sirius could only stare at one another in shock.

"I'm joking about me being the father." Remus said when he caught his breath again. "But she's pregnant. Snape's the father but of course no one can know about that so I'll have to cover the tracks for him. And you two, as well."

James' legs suddenly lost all of their strength and he slipped to the floor.

"S-she's pregnant… With his child? Stop fucking around, Remus, this is not funny." Sirius asked upon seeing James' distressed state.

"I probably didn't give the news in the best way I could, I admit. But it's true. I just don't know what to think about that. I know James still loves her but she's so happy. And so is Snape. I can't help being happy for them, sorry."

James dug his nails into his head, hoping to wake up from the nightmare. Well, ok, they were a couple for over half a decade but with Lily being pregnant, it was suddenly much more definitive. They would have a child together.

And James would have to once more do as Snape said.

It was maddening.

"I can't believe it…"

"You can't believe what?" said Peter from the door, eyeing James with his little wet eyes. "My mother was nagging at me too much and I decided to drop by. What happened?"

"Nothing." Said Remus. "Nothing important."

Peter scowled, knowing it was not true.

"You are just hiding something from me again, aren't you?"

"W-well, I…" Remus stuttered.

They certainly weren't expecting to have to cover tracks so early in the morning.

"It's ok. I know where I'm not wanted." Peter spit out and left.

"Oh, that's great!" Sirius said in the loudest whisper he could manage. "He's our friend! Why can't we tell him everything? Ah, well, I remember… Because bloody Snivellus doesn't want us to. I'm so sick and tired of him. When will this come to an end?"

"When the war is over." James replied from his spot on the floor. "Or when we are all dead."

A.N.: So yeah… Hahaha. At least there will be some happiness for the couple before the great tragedy.


	12. Chapter 12

"Sorry I had to put you through this." said Lily to Severus, caressing her now huge belly. "House husband and Death Eater."

She was sitting at the couch with her feet up on the center table, too heavy to do anything. But there were still three months to go before the baby was due… Which put a strain on Severus. Thanks to his time turner, he could show up every single night to do the domestic chores Lily wasn't able to do anymore.

But of course, the situation was becoming worse, and worse.

Lily could see with her very own eyes Severus breaking apart. Becoming thinner and fragile and desperate because he had two people to look after.

"I'm alright." he replied from the kitchen.

"You know Remus could come more often to help me. You two are getting along well, right?"

Well, they had to. Remus was the fake father for the child and now he was, too, inside Severus' schemes to keep his façade. They had to trust each other regardless of what happened in the past.

Severus groaned.

"Do we have other choice at this point?"

"I'm just worried about you! You are too thin and I know that you are breaking apart. You have to let other people help you since I can't do it anymore."

He showed up at the living room then, sleeves rolled up and the Dark Mark looking jet black against his grey skin. He was so young. Lily stared at his dark eyes completely heartbroken with his situation.

"I'm fine." he said, sighing. "I'll be fine as long as you and the baby are. Don't worry about me."

"Of course I will. Look at you! You look like a walking corpse. Dead eyes, grey skin, dark circles all over your eyes. I can't stand seeing you like this. Please let Remus come over two nights a week, at least. You need to rest and replenish your strength."

"I'll think about it."

"Is there anything to think about?"

The rain pouring outside of the building muffled the sound of their tired voices. They would be probably discussing if it wasn't for the fact that the situation asked for them to be strong as ever. If Severus said he was fine, then Lily had to trust him with that.

"Fine." She said finally. "Do as you see fit. Just… Keep the idea in mind if you are too tired."

Severus kneeled in front of her and kissed her distended stomach.

"Maybe one night a week."

"I wish I could lean over to kiss your lips but Sebastian is getting in the way even before getting born."

Sebastian was the name Lily picked for the little boy growing inside of her. This way he would get to keep his father's initials. Severus thought it was better if the boy had the surname Evans but Lily refused the request.

And then Dumbledore's patronus went through the door, casting a blue light over the entire room. The phoenix opened its beak and the young couple heard: "I'll be visiting you in a couple of hours. Stay put and ward your door."

The patronus vanished.

Severus immediately stood up to ward the door as he was instructed.

"What could have possibly happened now?!" Lily exclaimed meanwhile, her temper on the edge.

"My cover might be gone. Voldemort can be chasing us. Is the only thing I can think of right now… I think we are safe here since he has no idea where you live. But if this is true, we can't get out anymore."

The next couple of hours could have been an eternity. Lily couldn't sit still and Severus paced back and forth, in silence, probably thinking about a way to gain Voldemort's trust again. Even though the two of them staying together at the flat wasn't a bad idea, the Order losing its spy was a terrible blow.

Voldemort was inching closer from gaining full control of the Ministry and the number of deaths, both muggle and wizard, was getting bigger at an alarming rate. Outside the walls on the building, the world was falling straight into chaos.

Finally Dumbledore walked inside and conjured his armchair at the usual spot.

"Did I lose my cover?" Severus asked.

"No, far from that." Dumbledore replied. "But I'm afraid Lily is in danger right now and so is Remus, as well as Frank and Alice Longbottom."

Lily frowned.

"Why?"

"Because a prophecy has been made about a boy born in July 31st. Both Sebastian and Neville are due to this date, I presume, and therefore they are the two possibilities." said Dumbledore. "The prophecy is about a boy whose power is unimaginable. He is bound to destroy Voldemort."

"Who made it?" Severus questioned. "Was it a true prophecy or some Divination mumbo jumbo?"

"It was a true prophecy. A young seer asked to be our Divination teacher tonight. I was about to leave; thinking she had no blood of seer in her but then she delivered the prophecy. I was the only one in the room and made sure the prophecy was delivered to the right hands at the Ministry, but I have no way to know at this point. He might have started his search at this moment."

"Oh my God…" Lily mumbled to herself. "Why us, though? There are plenty of babies due to July 31st I am sure."

"Because the boy's parents defied Voldemort uncountable times, according to the prophecy. Frank and Alice are aurors, for example. And you have been fooling Voldemort ever since you were teenagers. To my knowledge, these are the only options. Voldemort is unaware of the prophecy but I cannot afford to take any risks. Lily, you'll have to hide for now. Ward your doors, don't leave the house. Be careful. I'll come back, first thing tomorrow morning. We'll have a few details to adjust."

Dumbledore stood up, vanished the armchair and disappeared with a loud crack.

"At least you still have your cover." Lily observed. "And Voldemort might get destroyed this time."

"This isn't half as good as you think." Severus said. "How long do you think it will take until one of the babies grows up enough to hold a wand? For how long do you think the Order will last at this rate…?"

Lily just hoped her baby wasn't born on July 31st.

LsLsLs

Severus wasn't in the best of his moods when his Dark Mark burned. For now, Lily and Remus would stay hidden at their own homes, but it had been just several hours since Severus left Lily's flat.

During that time, Dumbledore had a meeting with the Order, about the prophecy and the news plans that would have to be made. Severus wasn't invited to that meeting and he didn't want to go either way. Should Voldemort hear about the prophecy, at least for him Severus wasn't aware of it. It wasn't unreasonable for Dumbledore hide such thing from a Death Eater, either, so Severus' reputation would be intact.

Well, he would have to face the beast.

And apparently something serious happened. Nearly all the Death Eaters were there. After a while, Severus noticed Voldemort seldom made big meetings. Probably no Death Eater knew fully about his plans, not even Lucius Malfoy or Bellatrix Lestrange, the most noticeable ones.

Lucius Malfoy was masked, Bellatrix was not, standing beside Voldemort's chair at the head of the dinner table.

Severus sat at this spot near Voldemort. His rank was one the highest, even higher than some Death Eaters belonging to pureblood rich families…

"Ah, Severus, now that you are here, we can start." Voldemort said.

"Yes, my Lord."

"There is a prophecy." He announced at once. "About a boy that will be born on July 31st, born to parents who defied me uncountable times and he, according to his prophecy, will be a threat to us and to myself. I need to find Alice Longbottom and Lily Evans before that date, and I need to get them killed. They are hiding at unknown places at this time and you have to keep your eyes open. I promise a great reward for those who find these women for me… And Severus, naturally, you are in the best position to help us. Dumbledore didn't tell you about the prophecy, distrustful of you I'm afraid, but you still are a member of the Order of the Phoenix. I hope we can discover their locations quickly and safely."

The meeting went on for three long hours after this. The Death Eaters were excited to find a way of locating Alice and Lily, without Severus' help. But Severus mainly tuned out their foolish plans, and waited patiently until it was all over and he could immediately tell Dumbledore that there was a spy inside the Order.

Someone in the earlier meeting went straight to Voldemort and told everything he knew.

And now Lily and Alice would really have to hide.

A few minutes later and Severus was back at Hogwarts for the first time in several years, to communicate Dumbledore about the recent happenings.

He was still awake at his office; it was the first hour of the dawn.

"There's a spy inside our ranks. This spy told everything to Voldemort. Everything." said Severus, ignoring the formalities. "We have to protect Alice and Lily the best we can and in the most absolute secret."

"Ah, well, at least I took advantage of my night and studied a way of doing just that. Have you ever read about the Fidelius Charm?"

Severus sat down at a visitor chair.

"Briefly."

"Well, what happens is that in this spell we chose a Secret Keeper." Dumbledore explained. "We can hide in the very soul of this Secret Keeper the location of a place, and the place will, in turn, become intangible, unplottable and soundproof. It'll be like it doesn't exist, unless, of course, the Secret Keeper decides to share his secret. It cannot be accessed by Veritaserum or Legilimency. There is a slight loophole to this spell, I'm afraid. People who are already aware of the existence of the place will be Secret Keepers as well. In Lily's case, this means…"

"Potter, Lupin and Black will be Secret Keepers."

Severus crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn't comfortable with that idea; not at all. Lupin would have to hide with Lily, it seemed, to keep the story verisimilar, but Potter and Black?

"They are trustworthy and we already know they are not the spies, or else Lily's location would already be in Voldemort's hands. Moving Lily anywhere else will be dangerous, as well as I think she'll be the most safe hidden within the muggle world. But, for the sake of this spell, I can be the official Secret Keeper."

"No. I know I am not fit for the role as well, but I believe it's for the best if Lily herself is the Keeper." Severus said. "She will be inside of the flat at all times so there is no risk for us. As for Black and Potter, I suppose they'll have to behave and shut their noisy mouths. Now, Lupin has to stay with Lily. I don't want her to be alone."

"It seems wise. Do you think Lily is awake at this time? Any minute is precious at this situation and I still have to take care of Alice's location as well."

"Who would be able to sleep after finding their child could be the one to destroy Voldemort?"

A.N.: No commentary just… Next chapter will probably be their last chapter. Or maybe the one after that hahahaha The story could go in another direction but I have to follow the script :/


	13. Chapter 13

"You knew about it?!" exclaimed Peter in a hushed tone. "You knew that Remus slept with Lily and I only find out now that she's nearly popping out the kid and the kid might destroy bloody Voldemort?"

James rubbed his eyes in desperation. He shouldn't have forgotten to keep Peter up to date with the latest news. It was harder and harder for the entire Order to meet; the prophecy was one extraordinary situation for a big meeting. In short, Peter had no idea what happened with Lily, until Dumbledore dropped the prophecy bomb a few minutes ago, and now the four friends were retreated to the kitchen to discuss about it.

"I didn't want to tell anybody about it!" Remus replied. "We all know James still loves her! I didn't want to boast about it, I'm sorry!"

"We found out on accident." Sirius added in a calmer tone. "James got really upset for a while but we are friends, right? We should stick together no matter what. I suggest you to follow James' example and let go of this shit."

Peter didn't fall for it.

"This shit has been going on for years now. I'm sick and tired of it, if we're all finally being honest with each other here."

"Could you please just…" James said, almost choking on his words. His world was falling apart and he still had to pretend Remus was the one sleeping with Lily. "Calm the fuck down, Peter? We are all stressed out and on the edge here. We made a mistake when we didn't tell you about it, it's true but try seeing in my point of view. I just want this to be buried seven feet under the ground, but turns out Lily's pregnant and the last thing I want is to discuss this further. Show a little compassion here, please."

It did the trick.

"Well, of course you wouldn't want to talk about it…" Peter replied. "But still, I deserve to know! I'm in the group too! I'll let it slide this time but if something like this happens again, I hope I don't have to find out about it months later."

James saw Remus nearly sigh in relief when he said:

"Ok, we understand you. This won't happen again. I'll let you know if I sleep with someone else I shouldn't."

"Thank you." Peter sneered and left the kitchen.

He didn't stay behind to get drunk with them.

Nevertheless, the three friends drank and smoke away their sorrows until they passed out on James' living room. He was the first to wake up, with the sigh of Dumbledore's patronus floating above all of them. Sirius and Remus still slept heavily.

"Come to Lily's apartment as soon as you can. I'm afraid I have some bad news to give to you. Especially Remus."

The patronus vanished and James struggled to stand up and kick his friends awake while muttering "Fuck, fuck, fuck" to himself.

"What the shit, man?" Sirius mumbled. "What are the kicks for?"

"We have to go to Lily's apartment. Dumbledore has bad news. Especially for Remus."

"Bloody fuck."

Thirty minutes later, the three were reasonably put together and ready to face whatever else was coming in their way now. James couldn't think about a way of things getting even worse, but of course, not only it was possible, but it also happened and Dumbledore was supposed to give them the news.

As per usual, Snape was there too, along with Dumbledore.

But James barely paid attention to him: Lily was truly pregnant. Her belly was huge and round, and she looked satisfied in carrying that much weight while bringing tea cups to the living room, even though she also seemed to be worried and scared.

How could she be satisfied in carrying Snape's child? How could she be satisfied in being in such great danger in the name of a slimy git like him?

"What could possibly have happened this time?" Sirius blurted out while dropping himself on the free couch.

"There's a spy in the Order and a few hours after the Order's meeting, the Death Eaters had a meeting so they could all form a task force to chase Lily and Alice." Snape replied. "You are welcome."

"Yeah, there's a spy alright. You." said James without thinking twice.

Lily snorted while she sat down. James preferred to stay standing, close to the door.

"Please, James. I know you don't like each other but let's be reasonable here."

"Wait a minute. A spy?" Remus said. "Who could it be? I thought everyone in that meeting was trustworthy. I mean… We've operated for a long time now without any vital information leaking. Why now?"

"Fear changes people." Dumbledore replied. "The balance is tipping to Voldemort's side, I'm afraid, and of course people long for protection and certainty that they will not die at any given moment. It's not very surprising to me; all I wish is that I had a clearer idea of who the spy might be. He is not one of you, of course."

"That's why you are the only ones to know about the spy. Because we have no idea who could he be. So for safety reasons, you'll be the only ones to know about it." Snape went on. "But that's not why you are here. Since Voldemort already knows about the prophecy, just hiding in an apartment is not going to be enough. We'll have to cast a Fidelius Charm. Basically, it will hide the flat completely and only the Secret Keepers will be aware of its existence. Lily will be the primary Secret Keeper but since you already know this apartment exists, you'll be Secret Keepers by association. In light of the recent events, it is of extreme importance that you shut your mouths about this. Anyone could the spy at this point."

"Also Remus will have to stay with me." Lily said. "I'm sorry but Voldemort is after you too."

"But… But what about the full moons?" Remus asked, slightly desperate. "I can't stay in this apartment."

Severus smirked.

"I might have solved this problem. Wolfsbane potion. You'll still transform but you'll stay conscious and aware of yourself. This should be enough to contain the problem. The potions has been successfully tested in many werewolves and it works perfectly."

"W-well… In this case I think it's doable but… Lily, won't you be afraid of me?"

"I'll try not to be. I honestly don't care, I want you to stay safe."

"The time runs short." Dumbledore said from his armchair. "We must cast the Fidelius Charm as quick as possible. James and Sirius, I trust you to gather Remus' belongings at his house and bring them here."

"Now?" James asked.

"If possible."

"Yes, sir." Sirius said ironically. "We'll report back as soon as possible."

Five minutes later, they were walking inside Remus' house. It was actually some sort of farm, hidden within a deep forest. Since Remus had no longer access to the Shrieking Shack, he had to figure himself around.

Sirius finally vented out his anger while picking up clothes from the wardrobe inside Remus' bedroom.

"I can't believe it! A spy! And now Remus has to stay locked up too! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"

James' anger had already passed a long time. He felt now as if though he was starting to slip into an abysm, sinking deeper and deeper and deeper. There was nothing he could do about it. Seeing Lily pregnant – actually pregnant – was too much for him.

"I'll go to the bathroom pick up his hygiene stuff." He muttered.

What he saw in the bathroom' mirror was nothing but a ghost of the person he was five years ago.

LsLsL

For the next three months, Severus calmed himself with the idea that maybe the baby wasn't going to be born on the day of the prophecy. But he was wrong. It was a little before noon of July 31st when Lily's snake patronus slithered inside the kitchen.

"I'm in labor. Remus called the old nurse who lives downstairs and she's coming soon. But I need you to come and obliviate her after everything is done. Oh, the bag is gone. Just ruined the couch. Shit! Just come soon, ok? I'm a little scared."

In one hand, Severus didn't want Lily to spend over twelve hours in labor, on the other hand, if she did, the baby would be born on August 1st and their problems would be solved. What he did know is that he should go there and help. And possibly clean the couch.

But first he took some time to gather the potions Lily might need.

Remus was as pale as the white walls from the flat when Severus arrived.

"She's on her bedroom. I was taking care of the couch."

"AAAAAAAARRRGH! FUCK!" Lily screamed. "I'M SO SORRY THAT I CURSED MRS. FISHER."

"IT'S FINE TO CURSE, DEAR, JUST KEEP PUSHING! THE BABY'S HEAD IS ALMOST OUT."

"I'd wait here for a little longer if I was you." Remus muttered. "I tried to help out and already fainted twice. Too much blood."

"I've seen worse." Said Severus before leaving to the room.

Well, he didn't see any worse than a bloody baby's head coming out of Lily's private parts, actually, he realized when he opened the door. But he wasn't the type of man to faint easily so he walked up to Lily's side and caressed her drenched in sweat hair.

"Thank Merlin you are here. Giving birth is not fun I should tell you."

"I thought the fainty guy was the father." Mrs. Fisher, a woman in her fifties in a cooking apron said, with her hands between Lily's legs. "Keep pushing. Keep pushing."

Lily grabbed Severus' hand and almost broke it while she had the next contraction. Severus tried to focus on something else, like the dirty spot on the wall. But then Lily relaxed entirely.

"He's a big boy." Mrs. Fisher said, although her head and her hands were hidden by a white towel they put over Lily's lower body and Severus could not see a thing.

"I know." Replied Lily with a soft laugh. "I just pushed him out of my vagina."

Severus choked on his own saliva when he heard that.

The baby was a tiny little thing, however, with his eyes too swollen to open them up and all covered in blood and a white slime Severus made no question to discover what it was. Lily held Sebastian in her arms smiling ear to ear. He couldn't avoid doing the same.

"It's our baby, Sev. Our own little baby. Say hi to daddy, Sebastian."

A.N.: Had a lot of fun writing this last scene, gotta tell you hahaha


	14. Chapter 14

"He breaks things when he's upset." said Lily, sitting down at the kitchen table after fixing the broken cupboards.

Severus still wasn't used to the feeling of being a father, even after three months of the experience and even if Sebastian seemed to recognize him as the father instead of Remus which would be more natural.

Sebastian slept soundly against Severus' chest.

"Wizard children might be difficult to deal with." Severus said in a low, soft tone, trying not to wake up his son, who would be upset and break the entire kitchen. Again. "I'm afraid it's a trait of mine. Remember that time when I made a branch fall on top of Petunia, when we were nine or ten?"

Lily laughed and it was the most beautiful laugh in the entire world.

"I do, I do… Well, I hope the apartment survives until Sebastian is old enough. He likes you, though. He's at his calmest when you are here. And there's something else I need to tell you."

"What?"

"I received a letter. From Petunia." Lily said, the laughter fading away and giving place to a worried frown. "She just had a baby, too."

"She knows where you live." Severus muttered. "I'm afraid to tell you that, but she has to hide too. She's a loose end and she's a relative of yours."

"I had forgotten about her, to be honest. But if this is the case, then we'll have to talk to her and explain the situation… I have a favor to ask, though, if it's possible."

"I'm listening."

"I want to talk to her in person. I mean, she's my sister… And at least for her I have to tell that I'm with you. They'll have to hide anyway, so why not tell the entire truth?"

Severus caressed his son's back while considering the dangers of entrusting a couple of muggles with his most vital secret. The point was that without a drop of magic blood in their systems, probably they were not Secret Keepers. Voldemort could get Lily's location easily with them, via Legilimency.

"It might be possible. I think that even though they know where you live, they are not Secret Keepers because they are muggles. I'm not sure of what are the repercussions here, to be honest. Worst case scenario, they aren't Secret Keepers and easy prey for Voldemort. The Order has to hide them somewhere."

"So this means it's not a big deal if we tell them everything?"

Severus scowled to the thought of dealing with Petunia again. But of course, he understood Lily's point of view, and unlike him, she couldn't leave the apartment and get in touch with other people. It had been a while since she was entirely sincere with people she didn't hate, aside from Lupin.

"Probably not. If we have to hide them anyway, might as well be entirely honest."

The plans were made rather quickly. Dumbledore owned a house in Godric's Hollow and it was big enough for a family of three: the Order was responsible for getting them food and everything else they might need and Dumbledore would cast a Fidelius Charm around the house and use himself as a Secret Keeper.

It could be done as discretely as possible. But the only people who could be involved with the plan were Potter, Black, Dumbledore and McGonagall, since they were the only ones who surely weren't the spy. It was for the best if Voldemort didn't even have the knowledge Lily had a sister who knew where she lived. And McGonagall was busy at Hogwarts.

The first step would be visiting Petunia, which was done right on the next day. Sebastian stayed at home with Remus, and Lily and Severus used Apparition to go to Petunia's house, in a quiet suburb of London.

After that, Potter and Black would take the Dursleys to Godric's Hollow.

The houses looked just the same, and the front lawns were all in a similar fashion. It was something Petunia would like; she and her husband were an ordinary couple in an equally ordinary suburb, full of ordinary people.

Lily knocked on the door with a huge grin on her face.

"I can't believe we are doing this." she confessed, in an excited murmur.

"Me neither." Replied Severus, trying not to show his complete displeasure. He would rather not tell Petunia anything, but if it was what would make Lily happy, then he'd do it.

Petunia answered the door right after and nearly dropped the bottle she was using to feed her baby.

"We better get inside." Lily said and went inside, followed by Severus.

"W-what…?" Mumbled Petunia. "But wasn't he a… A… An Evil Eater or something? A follower of that Volderdeath?"

Lily sighed.

"Well… A few things happened ever since. Your house is so nice, though. Can we sit on the living room? We have a few things to talk about."

"Since you are already here…"

They sat not so comfortably in the living room. Petunia glared at them with suspicion and uneasiness.

"Severus is a spy for the good side now. And has been for several years." Lily explained. "I kind of dated him in secret this entire time and we had a baby too. Three months ago. His name is Sebastian."

"You what?! You had a baby? And he's the father? Are you even _married_?"

"Ah, well, it doesn't matter, really. These aren't the most shocking news… Now _these_ are the most shocking news. There was a prophecy foretelling the birth of a child who would destroy Voldemort; he wasn't happy about it. Sebastian fits the prophecy. He was born on the assigned day and I have to hide now unless I want to get killed… And you'll have to hide, too, because you know where I live, which is where I'm hiding."

Petunia held her chubby baby tight against her body.

"Ah, great! You come into my house to say you got knocked up from Snape and now I have to hide too? I'm not going. I'm simply not going. You don't have the right to come into my house this way and just tell me what to do."

Severus sighed. It seemed that was his turn to speak.

"Listen, Petunia, I'd hate to force you so you have to understand. Voldemort is going to kill you and your family after Lily's location. You know what wizards are capable to do. Imagine that tenfold. That's how powerful Voldemort is, and he is as powerful as he is cruel. Lily is a member of the Order of the Phoenix, whose founder is Dumbledore. He found a hiding place and will ensure your family's safety as long as it is necessary."

"You might have noticed weird things happening in the muggle world. Nearly unexplainable, even. And they always end up in several or even hundreds of deaths. You are familiar to magic, you must know what's happening isn't normal and it's not caused by muggles or nature forces." Lily added in soft tone. "I know you know it, deep down."

Petunia stared longingly at an empty space.

"W-well, I have noticed it… Vernon has noticed too. But I wasn't expecting I would have to hide! And I _certainly_ wasn't expecting you'd have a baby with him."

"I'm sorry that I have to involve you into this, Tuney, but I'm trying my best to keep you safe and sound here. Where is Vernon?"

"He's at a work. Will be back in five hours."

"It's more than enough time. We'll call two other members of the Order to help you pack and move into the hiding place." Lily said. "I'm sorry, Petunia. I'm really sorry. I had no idea I'd be putting you into this situation."

"It's too late to be sorry, I think."

LsLsLs

"It has been forever since the last time we saw each other!" exclaimed Sirius as he walked inside Lily's apartment and hugged Remus the best way he could, with Snape Jr. getting in the way. "And now you are a damn babysitter."

Remus smiled and kissed Snape Jr.'s head.

"I try my best."

"Gross." said James with a scowl.

"He's just a baby, James." Remus replied.

"Well, it's weird that Snivellus positively boned Lily, though." Sirius commented, while he took a hold of the baby and held him right in front of his face. James was still fiercely positioned on the door and couldn't see the baby's face. "He has Lily's eyes. And he for sure has Snivellus' hair."

"Lily's eyes?! Give him to me."

It was weird holding a baby. It was weird holding a baby that according to Sirius, was the proof that Snivellus positively boned Lily. He had Lily's eyes. Just like hers. But his head was full of silky, black hair, undoubtedly Snape's.

And as it looked like, the baby wasn't very happy with the sudden commotion and started crying.

"Shit!" James said, trying to rock Snape Jr.'s but not wanting to touch him too much, either. "What do I do?"

Snape Jr. started to cry louder and louder. The vase with flowers on top of the table broke, spilling water everywhere.

Sirius eyed the broken vase in profound horror.

"What the shit, Remus?"

Remus, in turn, just sighed and grabbed Snape Jr. back, efficiently rocking him and shutting him off. The little bastard stopped crying and Remus put him in a sitting position on the couch; he started to observe Sirius and James with curiosity.

"He breaks things when he cries."

"No fucking way." Sirius replied.

"For how long are we supposed to wait, anyway?" James asked. "I don't want to be here for much longer, if you catch my drift."

"You honestly have to move on from Lily." said Remus, fixing the vase and cleaning the water. "You might not like Severus but you are hating on an innocent baby now! This isn't right."

James snorted.

"Oh, he's _Severus_ now…?"

"Come on, we didn't come here to argue." said Sirius, sitting on the couch besides Snape's Jr. "The kid is alright, I suppose. Doing what babies do. Breaking vases. Crying. What have you been up to anyways, Remus?"

"Nothing. Lily does most of the babysitting and Severus is here almost every night to see his baby. He doesn't stay for long, gladly, or else I'm afraid I would hear things I wouldn't like to hear."

They both shared a great laugh, while James wasn't on the mood for hearing anymore jokes involving Snape having sex with Lily.

"Can we please focus on the mission at hand?" he said. "We are supposed to be doing something very risky in half an hour or so."

"As if, my friend. We are just appariting some people and packing some things. It's nothing difficult." Sirius replied, inching away slowly from Snape Jr. who crawled in his direction.

They were supposed to wait for Lily's patronus to show up so they could do to wherever her sister lived to pack things and move. James barely paid attention to the chit chat, waiting to get out of there. The patronus finally showed up – a snake no less – and James and Sirius said goodbye to their old friend.

At Lily's sister house, it wasn't much better.

Lily opened the door for them and took them to the living room.

"Tuney, these are James and Sirius and they will help you with moving and secure the house until Vernon arrives. Sev already place strong magical wards around the house so I'll be as safe as you can be, alright? You have nothing to worry about."

What Lily had of graceful and charming, her sister Petunia had of neck and bones. She was a tall, horse-faced woman. Her features were contorted showing terror and resignation.

"Sev" stood up from his corner of the couch.

"I'm afraid we can't stay. The longer Lily stays here, the more dangerous it is."

He turned to go away, but before he left, he whispered to James and Sirius:

"You'll have to stay here for five hours. Draw any attention or cause any problems and not only you'll be dead, but Lily and my son will too. _Don't you dare."_

"Yes, sir." replied James with a poor taste in his mouth.

He wished he could wash it out with firewhiskey, but he would have to wait until Lily's sister was safe at Godric's Hollow.

A.N.: Merry Christmas to everyone who's reading and reviewing my story :D Early, I know, but ofc I won't be posting on Christmas' day.


	15. Chapter 15

A.N.: Most of all, sorry for the delay D: I was enjoying my holidays and what not. Will try to be back on schedule, although school is probably going to get in the way.

"Man, that was boring." Sirius sighed when he and James finally made it back to their home.

The sky was getting darker; they spent their entire afternoon moving out the Durleys to their place in Godric's Hollow, without causing trouble or drawing attention to themselves exactly as Snape told them to.

James was sick and tired of the whole situation.

"Yeah. But you know what? Let's go out tonight." he said. "Let's go out tonight and stir some trouble. We are off duty anyway. Snivellus can't tell us what to do anymore and we can cause as much trouble as we bloody want."

"That's my good ol' James. Let's call Petter first, though. I think he'd appreciate if we give him a ring. Also I need to take a shower first if I want to get laid."

James shrugged.

"Fair enough."

The idea of getting laid wasn't that altogether bad, anyway. Merlin knew how much James needed that. He sent Peter a note before following Sirius' steps and taking a good shower and shaving.

Forty minutes later, the three were at a small muggle pub, in London, chugging their first pint of beer.

"Why all this, anyway?" asked Peter. "It has been a while since the last time we decided to go out."

"I've realized we can let all this war bullshit lower our spirits." Sirius replied, asking three more pints to the bartender. "You know, let this whole thing get to us."

Peter sighed loudly.

"Too bad Remus isn't here, too. Did Dumbledore tell any of you guys where he might be? I mean, locked up with Lily and a baby… He must be crawling up the walls. When can we visit him?"

James and Sirius exchanged annoyed looks. The new pints arrived and James took three large sips. He was used to stronger beverages, but he didn't eat the whole afternoon and the alcohol easily started to affect him.

"Actually, we know where he is. We paid him a visit. But we can't tell you anything. Shhhhhhhhhh. Don't tell Dumbledore."

"Why? Why can't you tell me? I thought we were a team!"

"Try explaining that to Snape." Sirius sneered. "We are following his bullshit orders. It's all we have been doing for the past five years."

"Five years…? For how long this has been going on?"

James emptied his pint.

"For long. Too long if you ask me… You know, I behaved because most of the times I could see some truth in his orders but there's this one… I can't see why we can't tell you anything. We are a team. You wouldn't betray us. His secret is as safe with you as it is with me or Sirius."

"Secret? Snape's secret? What secret?"

"He's on our side. I mean, _really_ on your side. You know Lily's kid? It's his, not Remus'. They have been together since Hogwarts but since he got himself into trouble up to his gigantic nose, they kept secret. We knew it all along, but we had to keep it secret, too. Even from you." James explained. Talking it out helped, a little. And now that he started, he wouldn't stop. He lit a cigarette before continuing: "And we have been his support team all this bloody time. Our cloak and our map ended up on his hands. Yeah, we weren't really caught trying to steal the Sorting Hat. Do you think we would get caught trying to steal something?"

"I never believed the story." Peter replied in a murmur.

"Yes, because it was all a huge lie." Sirius said. "Well, now you are up to date with everything that is going on. I suppose we can show for a visit later. Lily wouldn't mind, Snape's the one being annoying about not telling anyone."

"Where is she even hiding?"

"Some muggle building, somewhere shitty. Not very far from here. Maybe we could drop by anytime. Not right now, I think. Snape might be there and he would cut our throats open. We can visit first thing tomorrow morning, maybe. I hope I will be too hung over for that."

"Well, if you just give me the address, I can go on my own." said Peter. "I don't like drinking too much anyways. Mom complains when I get home drunk."

"Sure she does. I'll write it down for you and for Merlin's sake to do not lose it. Snape is going to kill all of us." James conjured a muggle pen and a piece of paper, writing down the address in a nearly unreadable calligraphy. "There you go, pal. Make good use of it."

"I will." Replied Peter with a satisfied smirk.

LsLsL

Severus woke up to the feeling of his arm being set on fire. He knew something out of ordinary had happened; after sometime, he stopped being summoned to raids or anything of the sorts, using the explanation that he'd be better off focusing on developing new spells and potions.

So it wasn't a raid. The Dark Mark burning meant bad news. He dressed and apparited to the Malfoy Mansion as quickly as he could, with one functional arm less.

Even though he wished to stop the agony of his burning arm soon, he also wanted to dwell in the last moments of peace before the chaos; and there would be chaos. There was something different about the chill air of that particular night. It was heavy and electric, enough to make anyone turn around and run away from the Mansion.

Alas, Severus had no other choice, as well as something as trivial as the air being too chilly didn't have the power of setting him off.

What did have the power of setting him off was seeing the dining room emptied of all furniture, except for Voldemort's chair. The fact Bellatrix couldn't control a fit of giggles while Severus walked inside also made him uneasy.

"We caught you, Severus…" she giggled as he walked to stand in front of Voldemort.

For someone more unexperienced, it might be impossible to tell when the Dark Lord is content or enraged. But Severus knew much better. Voldemort was seeing red, and it appeared who caused it.

The moment of his cover finally being over arrived, it seemed. The only thing he hoped for is that when the hour arrived, he wouldn't be surrounded by Death Eaters inside of the Malfoy Mansion.

"Were you waiting for me, my Lord?" he asked.

Severus tried to keep his cool. Maybe he could still get out of there alive.

"Ah, of course, Severus. Yes. This meeting is all about you."

"Is it really?"

"Yes. I wasn't aware you had a child, for example."

Severus' felt his mental wards crumbling while Voldemort made visual contact and started searching for memories. The ones Severus kept hidden all along. The first time he kissed Lily, the first time he held Sebastian in his arms.

All of his conviction of trying to get out alive vanished. He knew Voldemort well enough to know he wouldn't be able to flee from the Mansion and even if he did, Lily and Sebastian would be dead anyway. In such case, Severus might end his life all by himself, no assistance from Voldemort required.

"If anything, Severus, I must congratulate you for fooling me all this time. I do not think any regular person would be able to pull this off. Show time for you is over, however."

"May I ask a question first?"

"Seeing are you will be alive to tell the tale, I suppose so."

"How was I unmasked?"

"Well, that I can explain." said a voice coming from somewhere behind Voldemort. "If you didn't figure out what happened yet.

Lucius Malfoy stepped aside so Peter Pettigrew could join the circle. Severus was not in any way surprised with the reveal. He knew it, he knew it all along that he couldn't trust Black and Potter to keep their mouths shut; at the time, it seemed right to let them know of everything because then Severus' life would be easier without them bothering him.

Getting him and his whole family killed was much more than just a mere bother.

"Black and Potter." said Severus. "I can't trust them to do anything right, can I?"

"You truly can't, Snivelly."

Severus looked around, at all the expressionless masks. He could try to run away and fight back, but he knew it would be useless and he knew the time would come, but he decided to not prepare himself for it. He failed. He failed terribly.

"I wouldn't try to do anything funny, Severus." Warned Voldemort. "The mudblood's place is already surrounded with Death Eaters. Even if you escape, they'll be dead. You can't save them. You can't save yourself."

Severus grabbed his wand, however. Voldemort had not looked for information of the Order of the Phoenix yet. Severus knew he was going to die, so he might as well do it without giving Voldemort everything.

The Death Eaters tried to stop him when he put the tip of his wand on his temple, but they couldn't stop him from saying the words: "Avada Kedrava."

The last thing he ever saw was Voldemort's red eyes.


End file.
